Tansy Corrects Starkit's Prophecy
by Tansyheart
Summary: Yes, Tansy has joined the "Starkit's Prophecy" bandwagon. Not quite a repost, but not quite a rewrite, I am taking xdarkrosesx's infamous tale and inserting my own often sarcastic flair to it. Disclaimer: Tansy does not own Starkit's Prophecy, nor does she want to. Read and enjoy the terrible tale without losing your brain cells!
1. Prologue

_**(A/N: Hey, y'all! I know a lot of people on FF do their own commentary on the truly horrible tale "Starkit's Prophecy." I feel like it's my time to join the bandwagon and do my own. I will put my own spin on it, though. Unlike most of the writers here who leave the story as written and simply insert their commentary too the side, I am rewriting "Starkit's Prophecy" with my commentary as part of the story. Anyway, I'm going to try it. It may or may not turn out very well, but it should be fun...**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Starkit's Prophecy", nor do I want to. xdarkrosesx can take all the credit she wants.)**_

Prologue

A group of nameless cats gathered around a pool of water. They all looked into it eagerly. A dark unspecified shape appeared on the surface. A nameless blue she-cat looked up, her blue eyes bright.

"There is a prophecy," she meowed, not bothering to tell anyone her name. "_Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly._"

"It's about Starkit!" a nameless, rather unimportant white tom who was most likely actually Whitestorm said. "She's going to save the forest!" He looked over at yet another nameless cat, a golden tom who was sitting by Bluestar, who had apparently actually been the nameless blue she-cat. "Should we tell Jayfeather?"

The nameless golden tom who was most likely Lionheart nodded. "Yes."

"He needs to know," Bluestar added, standing up to walk away from the pool. She would tell Jayfeather as soon as the meeting of nameless cats ended.

_**(A/N: Yay! One done, forty-something chapters to go! I'll probably post more than one chapter a day because they're really short.)**_


	2. Is this Chapter 1 or 2?

Is this Chapter 1 or 2?

_The Rise of a Heroin (Addiction)_

Starkit woke up and noticed that sunlight was _in_ the branches! Literally! _Wow_, she thought, _the branches have the ability to capture sunlight!_

She closed her eyes again, still tired.

Her mom, who was made out of sticks of butter, would not let her sleep in and rudely forced her to wake up.

"Sweetie, it's time to get up," Dawnsparkle meowed, her eyes shining. "Today is important today- so important I had to say important more than once!"

The kit suddenly remembered what today was. "Oh my gosh, my ceremony is today!" Starkit squealed. Today was the day she became an apprentice!

The strangely-impossible purple-colored she-cat ran outside the nursery, not waiting for her mother. Dawnsparkle followed her daughter and caught up to the kit quickly.

"Sweetie, you know the Clans don't accept cats like us sometimes," her mother cautioned.

Starkit glared at some unspecified thing. Sure, her mother used to be a ShadowClan cat and her father was Jayfeather- a medicine cat- but she didn't think that made her different, when in reality it made her very different. Most of ThunderClan didn't accept the purple cat, and they still hadn't forgiven Jayfeather for falling in love- and with a cat named _Dawnsparkle_!

"Starpaw, come here!" Firestar called, forgetting the ceremony hadn't started yet and Starkit was still, indeed, a kit. "Starkit, it is time for you to become an apprentice. You are a strong, brave cat and because of that I will mentor you."

Every cat in ThunderClan gasped. The leader choosing to mentor a cat who should never been born was a great honor! Maybe the leader had at last forgiven Jayfeather for breaking the medicine cat code...

Firestar liked Starpaw's shoulder. It was so much nicer than the rest of her oddly-colored body. As the leader admired the apprentice's shoulder, he finished the ceremony.

Still in shock that Firestar had decided to mentor her, Starpaw walked away from her leader. She padded over to her parents, who looked very proud of their daughter.

Jayfeather's chest was puffed out in pride, but his eyes betrayed his true feelings of nervousness. "Daughter, we're very happy for you," her father began, "but there is something I need to tell you. There is a prophecy StarClan gave me, and it's about you."

"Really?" Starpaw asked. "A prophecy about me?"

The medicine cat nodded. "The prophecy stated that _Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly._" Jayfeather, apparently suffering a lack of intelligence, didn't realize the prophecy obviously was suggesting that his own sister, Hollyleaf, and Tigerstar were going to be the villains of this terrible story.

Starpaw gasped, also not able to understand the extremely obvious prophecy. "What does it mean?"


	3. Maybe Chapter 2 or 3

Maybe Chapter 2 or 3

_The Battle of the Clan_

Starpaw walked over to the apprentices' den. Inside, she saw her sisters, Flamepaw and Lakepaw. For some unexplained reason, both had been made apprentices before the really odd looking protagonist. Starpaw's best friend, an oddly named she-cat, Jazzpaw, was sleeping on some moss.

"Jazzpaw, get up!" Starpaw demanded.

The ginger apprentice opened her brilliant blue eyes and looked at her friend.

"Do you want to go on a patrol with me?" the purple she-cat asked, apparently forgetting that she didn't decide what she was going to do. Only her mentor, Firestar, determined whether she would get to go on a patrol.

"Sure!" Jazzpaw meowed, also failing to understand that mentors decide what their apprentices do.

The two she-cats left the den and padded toward the entrance to the camp. As they reached the entrance, a large white cat with black paws burst through.

"ShadowClan is attacking!" Starpaw yowled, not realizing that Blackstar had come alone. He hadn't brought an army.

Every ThunderClan cat came out of their dens, just in time to see Starpaw as she jumped on Blackstar and clawed him. Blackstar, being out of character and out of dignity, turned and fled from the camp. Apparently, the sight of a purple cat made him too scared to fight back, even though he could have easily beaten the untrained she-cat.

"Good job, Starpaw!" Firestar meowed. "The last cat I knew that could fight like that was Sandstorm. You're a good fighter!" Apparently, some untrained cats have the ability to be superb fighters and can knock out an opponent with one move.

Starpaw was happy. She was a good fighter, despite never having been trained to fight. Maybe this was what the prophecy meant! Too bad the prophecy said nothing about fighting. There were no tigers or holly leaves in the battle with Blackstar.


	4. The Real Chapter 3

The Real Chapter 3

_The Training under the Single Star, because it's Apparently Cloudy, so the Cats can only See One Star_

ShadowClan ran from the camp, despite the fact that there had only been one ShadowClan cat in the camp to begin with. Starpaw smiled, even though cats can't do that. She'd won! No one could hurt her family now!

"Starpaw!" Firestar meowed. "It's time we train! I want to show you how to fight even though you just beat an extremely experienced leader all by yourself!"

"Okay!" Starpaw replied. "But you just saw I could fight, right?"

"Well, yeah," Firestar admitted, "but I wanted to see if that's all you can do. There's more to fighting than just being able to defeat Blackstar."

"Okay!"

They went to the forest together while the rest of ThunderClan cleaned up the bodies, because apparently many cats had died from the shock of watching Starpaw defeat Blackstar.

"Okay, Starpaw," Firestar meowed once they got there. "We'll start with how to dodge."

"Come on! That's too easy!" Starpaw said. She'd just beaten Blackstar! She was ready for anything!

Firestar nodded. "Alright, the let's learn how to claw an opponent."

Starpaw leaped at her mentor, not giving him a chance to attack first. She apparently hit his side hard enough to surprise him and clawed the tom, forgetting that she was supposed to have her claws sheathed.

"Wow, Starpaw," the leader meowed, "you're doing really well."

"Really?" she asked. She didn't think she was doing that well. Considering she'd had no training at all before this point and was doing quite well , the purple she-cat was very modest.

"Yes, Starpaw," Firestar replied. "I couldn't even get away from you fast enough. Only Scourge could do that before."

"Oh my StarClan, really?" Starpaw gasped. "Scourge? The terrible villain her mentor had defeated in the old territory? The apprentice had heard many stories about him. The tiny tom was evil and had killed many cats. "I'm like _Scourge_?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Firestar meowed quickly. "I just meant you're a really good fighter, like he was." _Oh my StarClan, _he thought, _my Great-granddaughter looks so cute. She has the prettiest rainbow eyes and purple fur I've ever seen..._

Starpaw and Firestar trained for a while after that. Somehow, she managed to beat the savior of the Clans eight times. She did let him win once because she saw that he was becoming discouraged, which was completely reasonable considering the leader couldn't beat a kit on her first day of training. By the time they had finished, Starpaw was feeling a little tired and hungry.

"Hey, Firestar, can we hunt now? I want food, even though I'm supposed to hunt for my Clanmates first," she meowed.

"Sure," the tom meowed, forgetting that he was supposed to make sure his apprentice followed the Warrior Code.

Starpaw messed up a few times while hunting, which was to be expected of course, since this should have been her first time. Unfortunately, it was actually her second time, so she should have been perfect by now. She had practiced hunting one night as kit when her Great-grandfather had snuck her out of camp. At any rate, somehow she was able to catch enough prey to feed the entire Clan.

That night Starpaw and Jazzpaw sat outside looking at the stars. "Do you think we'll ever be up there?" the purple cat asked.

"Yeah," Jazzpaw said. "You'll be leader one day and I'll be deputy, so we'll have to be, even though not all leaders go to StarClan."

Starpaw nodded. She knew she would be going to StarClan. She was perfect in every way. The apprentice smiled at her best friend, whom she loved like a sister, and together they fell asleep under the starry night sky.


	5. Well, Somebody's Out of Character

_**(A/N: Destiny- Yes, this is a Mary-Sue story. About your story: I don't know a lot about Mario/Peach/ and all of those characters. Just make sure Peach has some kind of flaw (quick to anger, incredibly shy, not good at something, etc.)**_

Chapter 4

_ Starpaw Decides_

"Starpaw, wake up. It's time for parole," a voice meowed, even though if Starpaw was truly imprisoned, she'd have a life sentence without chance of parole.

Starpaw opened her bright rainbow eyes, an impossible coloration for a cat, and looked around. "Who is it?" she asked.

"It's me, Graystipe," the tom meowed.

"Oh. What do you want, Graystripe?" Starpaw asked.

"Will you be my mate?" he asked, apparently forgetting about Millie, his mate.

Starpaw was shocked. "Oh my StarClan! Graystripe, that's so nice, but Firestar already asked me," she said, lying about Firestar asking her the same thing.

Graystripe looked mad. "Well, he's just an idiot," he growled, forgetting that Firestar was his best friend.

"Why do you say that?" Starpaw asked.

"I don't like him," Graystripe replied, way out of character. "He's a mean cat."

"You mean like Scourge?" Starpaw gasped.

Graystripe shook his head. "No, you're much prettier than Scourge," he said, even though what he said had absolutely nothing to do with what they had been talking about.

For some odd reason, Starpaw instantly believed Graystripe, who was old enough to be her Great-grandfather. "Then sure! I'll be your mate!"

Suddenly Firestar appeared. "What are you two talking about?" he asked angrily.

"Oh, nothing Firestar," Starpaw meowed, hoping her mentor would leave so she could be alone with her mate, who was cheating on his other mate.

"Yeah, Firestar, there's nothing to worry about," Graystripe mewed.

Firestar glared at who he thought was supposed to be his best friend. "I thought I heard you asking her to be your mate."

"Oh...uh, yeah. I did," the gray tom muttered.

The leader suddenly leaped at his best friend, acting totally out of character. "I want to be with her!" he screeched, forgetting that the purple she-cat was his Great-granddaughter.

"No, I do!" Graystripe shouted.

Starpaw watched the fight in horror. "Guys, stop! You can both be my mates!" she mewed, thinking that this was obviously the best solution.

"No! We can't do that!" Firestar growled. "There can only be one."

Graystripe stared at the apprentice. "So, Starpaw, who do you choose? Your Great-grandfather, or a cat who's old enough to be your Great-grandfather?"


	6. Blackstar Wants a Hug

Chapter 5

_ Untitled_

"I...I..." Starpaw was so confused! These two cats had just asked her to be their mates, and what was she supposed to do? They were both handsome, but both already had mates! Firestar was so kind, and he obviously liked her a lot, but he was her Great-grandfather. Graystripe, on the other paw, was so funny and cool, but just as old as Firestar.

"Exclamation point!" she yowled, turning and running into the forest. It was too much for her to handle. She just couldn't choose between them!

She ran and ran and ran until her paws hurt. Then she realized she had crossed the ShadowClan border. _Oh no!_ she thought. _ShadowClan will get me!_

Blackstar just happened to be nearby when Starpaw had crossed. Still angry about being beaten by her the day before, he marched up to the purple she-cat angrily. "What are you doing here?" he growled.

"I'm sorry!" Starpaw apologized. "I didn't mean to."

The ShadowClan leader, feeling slightly out of character, decided to take it easy on the apprentice. "It's okay," he meowed sympathetically. "No one's perfect."

"That's not true!" Starpaw meowed. "StarClan is."

"What do you mean?" Blackstar asked, confused.

Starpaw explained her flawed reasoning. "Well, they give us help, so that means they're perfect. Without them, we would all be lost."

For some odd reason, the ShadowClan leader didn't question Starpaw's explanation. "I guess that's true," he meowed. "Besides, I didn't really mean it anyway."

"Oh really?" Starpaw asked. "Why?"

"Because you are," Blackstar replied, even though she wasn't perfect- she'd crossed his border! He apparently had developed a crush on the odd-colored apprentice, and tried to snuggle with her instead of chasing her out of his territory.

"What are you trying to do?" Starpaw yowled, backing away. "Molest me!?"

"I-" Blackstar tried to explain that he had only wanted an innocent, friendly hug, but Starpaw wanted none of it.

"I don't need another tom after me!" she cried, running back into ThunderClan territory. "I have enough problems already!"

"But you're perfect!" the ShadowClan leader called after her. "You beat me in battle, so you have to be!" Apparently, Blackstar had forgotten this was not the first time he had been beaten in battle...

Starpaw ran through ThunderClan's forest. "No, it's too much!" she cried. "StarClan help me!"


	7. Jayfeather Tells a Story about a Stick

_**(A/N: Emeraldwing, I am not the only one who thinks this story is horrible. Look at anyone else who's reposting it. We all think the same thing. Maybe you should actually read the original story, and then see if you feel the same way.)**_

Chapter 6

_ Decisions_

Starpaw was so depressed! Who was she supposed to pick? She was so confused, but soon she saw her father walking through the forest.

"Jayfeather, what am I supposed to do?" she cried. "There are three toms after me! Three!"

The blind tabby tom looked happy to see that his daughter had come to him to talk about all the much, much older toms that loved her. "That's good for you," he meowed, being a terrible parent. "That means that you're liked."

"But I love all of them!" Starpaw sobbed, apparently forgetting that she'd just been furious at Blackstar for wanting a snuggle not five minutes earlier. "I don't know who to pick!"

"Well then let me tell you a story," Jayfeather said, sitting down. "Once upon a time there were a few cats I liked..."

Starpaw sniffled sadly. "Who were they?"

Jayfeather thought about the she-cats in his life- Willowshine, whom he acted like he hated but secretly loved, and Half Moon, the she-cat he should have been with- and apparently decided against telling his daughter about them. "Their names were Dawnsparkle and Stick," he finally replied.

"A stick? You were in love with a _stick_?" Starpaw gasped, not realizing her father was obviously being sarcastic. He hadn't been in love with a stick- he'd had a psychotic obsession with a stick! "Who did you choose?" she asked, even though the answer should have been obvious, considering she'd been born.

Jayfeather looked as confused by the question as the narrator felt. His daughter had really thought he had loved a stick? "Well I couldn't have had kits with a stick now, could I?" he asked.

"So you went with Dawnsparkle instead!" Starpaw cried happily. "But that doesn't really help me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Who do you want to be with?" Jayfeather asked. "Follow your heart."

The purple she-cat thought for a moment, and then made the worst choice of all- her own Great-grandfather. "I want to be with Firestar!" she yowled, and then turned around to run back to camp and tell the ginger leader.


	8. Apparently There is no Chapter 7

Chapter 8: There is no Chapter 7

_The Ceremony_

Starpaw skidded into camp. "Firestar!" she yowled. "I have to tell you something!"

"Not now, Starpaw," the leader meowed. "You've got to become a warrior now, even though you've barely been an apprentice!"

"Really?" the purple she-cat asked, shocked.

Firestar nodded. "Yeah. You've only been an apprentice for 3.14 days, but you are the best apprentice in the Clan. You are perfect in every way, so I'm just going to overlook the fact that you've hardly had any training at all. We need your help to defeat Blackstar, even though you've already defeated him, and we need you to defeat all the other Clans. We're in the middle of a war, and every Clan is attacking us, and it's such an important matter that I haven't mentioned it until now."

Starpaw for some reason didn't think it was odd that ThunderClan _had_ been at peace and had suddenly gone to war during the twenty minutes she was gone talking with Blackstar and Jayfeather. "We're really at war?"

"Yeah," Sandstorm mewed. "Dustpelt died while you were gone. RiverClan attacked us." The ginger she-cat was sad that Firestar loved Starpaw, and since she was completely out of character, she decided to let the leader be with the purple she-cat instead of fighting her for him.

"Oh my StarClan!" Starpaw gasped. She turned from the way out of character Sandstorm to face Firestar. "Make me a warrior! Quickly!"

Firestar nodded and leaped onto the High Ledge. "Let all cats who are old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the High Ledge for a Clan meeting!" he called. "It's time for a warrior ceremony!"

The Clan gasped and immediately began cheering for Starpaw, somehow instantly knowing it was the youngest apprentice who was being made a warrior, and not an older, more experienced one.

The ginger leader waited for the Clan cats to gather before he began the ceremony. "By the powers of StarClan, I give you a new name. From now on you will be known as Stargleam- for your pelt that sings like the stars and your connection with StarClan."

"Starpaw! Starpaw!" her Clanmates cheered, having already forgotten the she-cat's new name.

"Firestar," Stargleam meowed. "I want to tell you something."

Hope flared in the leader's green eyes. "Yes? What is it?" he asked, apparently wishing that his Great-granddaughter _would_ be his mate.

"Firestar..." she began, not believing she was finally telling him that she loved him. She had waited so long- an entire day!

"WindClan, attack!" a voice howled, interrupting Stargleam's confession of love to Firestar.

She whirled around to see who had called the attack. It was...Hollyleaf!


	9. Tigger is at war with ThunderClan

_**(A/N: Destiny- Be my guest. I still can't believe anyone could write this terribly. xdarkrosesx will certainly not be missed.**_

_**Epik- Thank you! I know the original is pretty hard to read.)**_

Chapter Nein: The Author Suddenly knows German

_The Evil Tigger and Holly_

"Oh no, it's Hollyleaf!" Firestar yowled as he ran away. Sandstorm ran after him, not because she was afraid of the black she-cat, but because she had realized she had been out of character in the last chapter and was now going to have a serious talk with her mate about him loving their Great-granddaughter too much.

Stargleam looked up to where the yowl had came from. Hollyleaf was standing on a rock alongside another cat. "Oh my StarClan!" the she-cat cried. "It's Tiggerstar! He's left the Hundred Acre Woods and joined Hollyleaf in a war against ThunderClan! What will we do?"

"We fight," Jayfeather growled, and he ran at Hollyleaf. Stargleam watched in horror as Hollyleaf easily killed her brother in one blow. Apparently Hollyleaf had decided she no longer needed the Warrior Code she had once loved so much, and was now willing to murder her own littermate in cold blood.

"You killed my father!" Stargleam yowled and leaped at Hollyleaf. The black she-cat moved out of the way, causing the purple warrior to attack Tiggerstar instead.

"You killed Tigerstar!" Firestar meowed, having watched Stargleam kill an innocent bystander- Tigerstar, the former leader of ShadowClan- instead of the actual villain in this story, Tiggerstar. "You are special!"

Stargleam was so happy that she didn't notice Hollyleaf grab Firestar and drag him away. "Oh no! We have to save him!" she yowled, apparently having noticed Firestar's abduction after all.


	10. La Rescue of La Firestar and La Flamepaw

Chapter 10: The Author Can't Spell "Rescue"

_The Recluse_

"Everyone, follow me!" Stargleam yowled as she charged through the entrance of ThunderClan's camp. Tears streamed down her purple face as she ran. She was so sad that her father had died and her leader was gone. "Flamepaw, Lakepaw, Mom, and Lionblaze- follow me!" she cried. "Dustpelt, come back to life and come with, too!"

They ran into the forest, their paws skimming the ground. She would kill Hollyleaf and Tigerstar for what they had done, even though Tigerstar was completely innocent and she'd already killed him. It was Tiggerstar who had teamed up with Hollyleaf!

Soon she found the villains. They were hiding behind a boulder. Hollyleaf had her paw on Firestar's neck, ready to deal a killing blow. "Haha! I've got you now!" the black she-cat laughed evilly.

Starpaw gasped. "No! Firestar! Flamepaw, attack!" she howled, sending a young apprentice into battle before the experienced warriors that had come with her.

Flamepaw hurled herself at Hollyleaf. Hollyleaf looked at her in surprise. "How could they have followed me?" she asked, lunging at the apprentice.

"No, Flamepaw!" Lakepaw wailed, realizing that her sister was about to die. The second apprentice pushed herself in front of Hollyleaf, sacrificing her own life for Flamepaw's.

Hollyleaf's claws cut into Lakepaw's throat. Blood poured out of the wound and the young she-cat fell down.

"No!" Stargleam screamed. She launched herself at Hollyleaf, but it was too late. Lakepaw was dying.

"I love you, Stargleam," her sister whispered before her blue eyes closed.

"No! Wake up, Lakepool!" Stargleam cried, apparently having gave her sister a warrior name before her death, even though she did not have the power to do so.

Hollyleaf laughed. "You don't get it, do you? I still think I'm one of the three, even though it's been proven that I'm not! I believe I have powers beyond your imagination!" The black she-cat suddenly began to change, proving that somehow she did have special powers. Hollyleaf changed herself into...a bare bear!

"Gasp!" everyone gasped. It was a hairless bear!

"I'm a shape-shifter!" Hollyleaf exclaimed joyfully.

Flamepaw turned to Stargleam, crying. "Sister, I need to go back to camp and bury Lakepool, but even though I've been an apprentice longer than you've been out of the nursery, this is my first time out of camp. How do I get back?"

"You just walk to the east," the purple protagonist replied.

"Thanks," Flamepaw mewed sadly, putting Lakepool on her back and walking in the direction Stargleam had pointed out.

"Not so fast!" said Hollyleaf the naked bear. "You're not getting away that easily!" With a roar like a volcano eruption, she leaped at Stargleam!

Everyone gasped as the purple warrior cried out in pain. She turned around to face Hollyleaf. "You can't get me that easily!"

Everyone jumped at the Holly-bear. She roared in pain as Stargleam's army attacked her. The she-cat bit the bear's fur and Hollyleaf roared again.

"Okay! Okay!" Hollyleaf cried. "I knew you wouldn't be beaten that easily!" Suddenly she became a cat again. Hollyleaf collapsed on the ground and her green eyes went dark.

As Hollyleaf's eyes went out, a howl sounded all the way from the other side of the forest, and everyone could hear it because their hearing was apparently as good as Dovewing's! It was LaFlamepaw, who had turned French!

"Lakepool, you're back!" LaFlamepaw cried happily.

Stargleam turned to face her sister, confused. "What?" Then she saw what LaFlamepaw had seen. Lakepool was running toward them, but her eyes had changed! They were Hollyleaf's!

_**(A/N: The lack on continuity in this drives me nuts! Lakepaw, Lakefall, and Lakepool seemed to be used interchangeably, not that she ever has a warrior ceremony. Can't decide if I'll keep Flamepaw French or not...)**_


	11. Lizards Prevent Jews from Poisoning Cats

Chapter 11

_The Fight Against the (Baby)Sitters_

"Oh no!" yowled Stargleam. "Lakepool is back, but she is not okay!"

"Of course I'm not okay!" Lakepool screeched. "I'm being possessed by Hollyleaf!" Stargleam's sister sprang at her, trying to attack the purple she-cat. Stargleam was so surprised by her sister's attack that she couldn't move.

Suddenly, a loud cry sounded from further away. "No!" Redpaw shrieked, racing toward the fighting sisters. She got between the two she-cats, causing Lakepool to crash into her.

"No, Redpaw!" Stargleam cried as the apprentice fell down. "Redpaw, are you okay?"

Redpaw choked, terribly wounded. "No I'm not, but at least I saved your life," she said, and then she died.

Stargleam stared at Redpaw, very sad to see her friend die. _She's so beautiful, _Stargleam thought as her friend lay dead on the forest floor. Then she shook her head madly. "No, I'm street!" she said angrily, apparently believing she had turned into a Thunderpath. "But now what do we do about Lakepool?"

Stargleam's sister was charging toward Lionblaze. Hollyleaf, still in control of the warrior, apparently wanted both of her littermates dead. Stargleam couldn't let Lakepool-Hollyleaf kill Lionblaze, so she attacked her sister. Her plan failed, killing both Lionblaze and Lakepool.

"Stargleam, I'll get you for this!" Lakepool-Hollyleaf cried as Satinclaw dragged her away to HellClan, which had apparently been created for cats that were too evil to even go the Dark Forest and was led by a cat named after some lovely fabric. Satinclaw, lover of fine cloth, was wearing pink nail polish, being such a fabulous and super-cool villain as he was. As Stargleam watched him drag Lakepool away, she realized her sister was dead.

Hollyleaf, who was apparently in control of her own body now, turned herself back into a bare bear and glared at Stargleam. "You killed my subject!" she screeched. "I'll get you for this!"

The bear ran for Stargleam. Her army of cats only stood and watched instead of trying to help their Clanmate. "Stargleam, get out of the way!" they cried, offering their only bit of assistance.

Stargleam turned to run away from Hollyleaf, and time seemed to slow down as she ran. Unfortunately, she ran straight into Tiggerstar!

"Firestar!" Tiggerstar yowled, still holding ThunderClan's leader captive, "you are going to die now!" The villain reached behind a boulder to grab something and held up some...JEW!

"Oh my StarClan! That poor Jew!" LaFlamepaw yelled. "But it won't work because there's a lizard on it."

The cats gathered around to stare at the lizard that apparently prevented the Jew from murdering Firestar. It was a newt. Afraid of all the large cats watching it, the newt ran away, revealing that the Jew was actually some yew.

"Eat the yew!" Tiggerstar said, thrusting it at Stargleam, who backed away.

"You'll never get me to eat it!" she cried. "You'll never take me alive!"

"Are you so sure?" he asked. Deciding that killing Firestar was a waste of time, Tiggerstar allowed the ginger tom to get up. The villain then lunged at Stargleam, grabbed her, and ran away. "You'll never catch me!" he laughed. "I'm going to ShadowClan!"

Apparently Tiggerstar had failed "Being a Villain 101"- after capturing your damsel in distress, NEVER tell the good guys where you're taking her. The narrator wondered why Tigerstar couldn't have been the villain. He'd do a much better job than Tigger.


	12. Hawkfrost Falls in Love

Chapter 12: The Author Can Rhyme (Dark, Sark, Fark)

_The Sark Forest_

"No!" yowled Stargleam. She ran after Tigerclaw, who became Tigerstar, who died chapters ago. She couldn't catch up with him because he was too fat, and fat makes characters fast, apparently. She had apparently been freed from Tiggerstar, who had abducted her only moments ago, but she did not take the time to explain how she got free. Maybe Tiggerstar realized he's in the wrong story and went back home to visit with Pooh Bear and Piglet.

"Why am I so useless?" she asked. "Why couldn't I kill Tiggerstar?"

"It's not your fault," said a voice from beside her.

"What?" she cried in surprise. "Who's there?"

"It's just me," answered Jay's Wing, who offered no explanation as to why an ancient cat was visiting the protagonist. "You couldn't kill him because you're not dead."

Stargleam was apparently surprised by this revelation. "What?" she asked. "What do you mean?"

"He's in the Dark Forest, Jayfeather replied, apparently having taken Jay's Wing's place. "He's already dead!"

"What do I do?" the purple she-cat asked her father, who had apparently come back to life after being killed by Hollyleaf.

"We can go to the Dark Forest, but it's very dangerous," Jayfeather meowed.

"Take me there!" his daughter ordered, and fell asleep.

Suddenly she was in the Fark Forest, which was not where Jayfeather said they were going. The Fark Forest was dark. There was no moon to light the way and it was hard to see. Then Stargleam heard a voice. It was Tiggerstar's!

"Okay, then we'll kill her _and_ invade ThunderClan," Tiggerstar was saying to someone.

"What? No!" Stargleam cried. She leaped at the villain and was about to kill him, but then Blackstripe, an unknown character, appeared out of nowhere and warned Tiggerstar of Stargleam's attack.

The villain clawed Stargleam. It wasn't fair! Stargleam fell to the ground, blood pouring out from her wounds. There was a lot of red blood, which was surprising, since it came from a purple cat. The narrator had assumed she would have green or orange blood.

Hawkfrost padded up to the purple protagonist and looked at her. _Wow, she's so beautiful and cool, _he thought. _I think I'll give up being evil and will act really out of character for the rest of the story because I just fell in love with a she-cat I don't even know. I guess I should save her so we can be together forever and ever._

The brown tabby tom jumped on Tiggerstar and bit him, but it was too late! Stargleam was dying.

As the light faded from her eyes, she looked up at Hawkfrost. "I love you," she meowed, apparently already in love with this former villain she didn't know at all. After she proclaimed her love to Hawkfrost, she died, and ThunderClan lived happily ever after. The End.

The narrator is just joking. It's only the end of the chapter.


	13. Bluestar Makes a Bad Decision

Chapter 13

_ The Meeting with StarClan_

"Oh my StarClan! What happened?" Stargleam screeched, looking around. "Am I in StarClan?" she asked when she saw a few cats she knew.

"No, of course not! You're obviously in the Dark Forest!" a nameless gray she-cat growled sarcastically.

Stargleam, not catching the sarcasm in the nameless cat's voice, looked around worriedly for Tiggerstar. She couldn't see him anywhere, but surely he was around somewhere...

"Yes, you're in StarClan!" the gray cat, apparently Yellowfang, sighed with obvious exasperation. "Where else would you be? You're perfect in every way, remember?"

"You don't need to be so mean!" Stargleam whined, feeling angered by Yellowfang's sarcasm.

"Sorry," Yellowfang muttered, "but your dumb question made me mad."

"It's okay," Stargleam said. "But I was in the Sark Forest- or maybe it was the Fark Forest- just a moment ago. How did I die?"

"Tigerstar killed you," Yellowfang replied, even though it was actually Tiggerstar who had murdered the protagonist. "He can send cats to StarClan even from the Dark, Sark, and Fark Forests."

Stargleam was very confused. "Wait...so I died?" she asked. "What do I do now? I can't save the forest like this!"

"That's why we are going to send you back to ThunderClan," Whitestorm meowed. "But we have something very important to tell you first."

"Oh my StarClan! What is it?" Stargleam cried, beginning to jump up and down with joy. "I want to know!"

Leafpool, who had apparently died from something without it ever being mentioned, padded up to the purple she-cat. "There are eleven things we need to give you before you go," she meowed, pushing two rocks with writing on them to Stargleam. "They're the Eleven Commandments!"

"Oh my StarClan! The Eleven Commandments?" squealed Stargleam. "I get to have the Eleven Commandments?!"

Bluestar nodded. "Yes. We need to give them to the Clans, but they won't listen to us. The Clans never listen to StarClan, so we're going to trust a six-moon-old purple kit to deliver the Commandments for us!" she meowed, apparently not realizing how ridiculous she sounded.

"Okay!" Stargleam said, taking the rocks. Happily, she left StarClan to deliver the Eleven Commandments to the Clans.

_**(A/N: I know she is technically given the 10 Commandments, but since they are so screwed up and she added one I decided to rename them.)**_


	14. There are 11 Commandments Now

Chapter 14

_The 11 Commandments_

Stargleam came down to the ThunderClan camp. It was dark, and no cats were outside.

"All cats gather!" the she-cat yowled. At once, obeying the protagonist, her Clanmates came out of their dens and gathered around her, even though she had no authority over them.

"Here," she meowed, shoving the two rocks toward them. "Look at these stones. You must follow these Commandments for your whole lives if you want to go to StarClan when you die. The Warrior Code has been extended, so learn these rules and obey them.

1. Thou shalt not commit incest, unless your name is either Stargleam or Firestar.

2. Thou shalt not make pictures of anything and worship them. If you do, you and your grandkits shall be punished. Your kits, however, shall not be punished at all.

3. Thou shalt not say StarClan's name in vain.

4. Thou shalt keep up with Clan activities six days in a row and then worship me for one, for I am the most important cat in ThunderClan.

5. Thou shalt respect your mother and father.

6. Thou shalt not kill otters. StarClan has named them their favorite animal. Other cats, however, can be killed in battle.

7. Thou shalt not be unfaithful to your mate, unless your name is Stargleam, Firestar, or Graystripe.

8. Thou shalt not steal from the other Clans.

9. Thou shalt not lie about the other Clans.

10. Thou shalt not be jealous of the other Clans.

11. Thou shalt not be gay.

The ThunderClan cats gasped.

"I'm sorry," Daisypaw, who had apparently been made an apprentice even though that never actually happened in the books, said. "I've been a sinner. I'll try to be better from now on." The rest of ThunderClan nodded in agreement.

Stargleam was so happy! Her Clanmates were on the right path! If they followed StarClan's new rules they could never go wrong!

Suddenly something caught Stargleam's eyes. Redpaw, who had apparently come back to life, and Lakepool were kissing!


	15. All the Clans Love Stargleam

_**(A/N: Yes, I know I've been a bit rude, but so are many of the others who repost this. After all xdarkrosesx said to the people who flamed her story, she doesn't seem like someone who deserves our sympathy. She was extremely rude.)**_

Chapter 15

_ The Truth_

Stargleam marched over to Redpaw and Lakepool, looking angry. "What did I just say?" she spat. "The Eleventh Commandment is 'Thou shalt not be gay'!"

"But I love her," whined Lakepool.

"But it's against the Eleven Commandments!" said Stargleam. The purple protagonist thrust herself between the two she-cats. "Do you _want _to go to the Dark Forest?"

"Yes?" Redpaw mewed tentatively.

"No you don't," meowed Stargleam. "It's a really horrible place. I know. I've been there!"

"We're sorry," Redpaw and Lakepool whispered sadly. "We won't do it again."

"I hope not!" Stargleam hissed, turning around. She padded over to Firestar. "We have to give the Eleven Commandments to the rest of the Clans," she meowed, apparently believing the three other Clans would believe StarClan gave something so important to a young, inexperienced warrior barely out of the nursery.

"Okay, let's go the the Gathering, which just conveniently happens to be tonight," Firestar meowed.

"If we go to the Gathering, then I can show the Commandments to all the Clans!" gasped Stargleam. "Come on, let's go!" She ran out of ThunderClan's camp, not waiting for Firestar to announce who else was going to the Gathering.

Once she reached the island, Stargleam immediately climbed onto the High Oak, even though it was for the leaders only. "Attention all cats," she yowled. "I need your attention. I have an announcement!"

"Oh my StarClan! What is it?" Mistyfoot asked, apparently not questioning why a kit was standing in Firestar's place and why she thought she had the authority to do so.

"Yes, of course it's important! I wouldn't be here if it wasn't!" Stargleam cried. "StarClan has given me the Eleven Commandments, and it's my duty to make sure every cat hears and obeys them."

The purple she-cat read the Commandments out loud for all the cats to hear. They, for some reason, accepted her words without question and bowed down to her, as if she were their own leader. "Thank you for telling us!" the cats said. "We won't sin again."

"Good," Stargleam mewed, hopping down from the High Oak. She saw Firestar walking toward her.

"Stargleam, you are a much better leader than I am, so I think you should be leader instead. I know you've been a warrior for only a couple days and haven't even had an apprentice, but I'll break the Warrior Code to name you leader," the ginger tom said. "You now have to go to the Moonpool and receive your nine lives, even though I'm still alive and StarClan might not give them to you."

"Awesome!" Stargleam cried. She knew StarClan would give her nine lives. Just because they hadn't given Nightstar his nine lives didn't mean they'd do the same for her. Stargleam was perfect in every way and StarClan loved her. She was special.


	16. Why, Thunderstar, Why?

Chapter 16

_ The Nine Lives_

Suddenly, as Stargleam was leaving the Gathering, there was a noise in the bushes. ShadowClan cats sprang out! Tallpoppy, Littlecloud, Redstorm, Owlpad, Scorchwind, Cedarheart, Tawnypelt, Russetfur, and all of ShadowClan's best warriors were prepared to attack the she-cat. Apparently ShadowClan had come to their senses and had realized that Stargleam was not as perfect as she thought she was and definitely should _not_ succeed Firestar as leader of ThunderClan. Stargleam's molting orange eyes, which apparently can change colors, showed great surprise at the attack.

Blackstar pushed his way to the front of his warriors, staring sadly at Stargleam. "You can't become leader," he meowed. "Then it will be impossible for us to have kits, not that we're supposed to have kits anyway because it would be breaking the Warrior Code, but I love you _so_ much!"

"I have to lead ThunderClan, Blackstar," Stargleam replied. "It's my destiny. You can't fight fate."

"No!" the leader cried, still horribly out of character. "I don't want to lose you! I'll be stuck with Russetfur as my mate if you become leader!"

Fireheart, who had changed his name, and Graystripe padded up to Blackstar. "It's okay," the ginger tom meowed comfortingly.

"Yeah," added Graystripe. "We love her too!"

Blackstar nodded sadly. "Okay," he meowed, and then the three toms padded away, talking about how much of them all loved the purple protagonist. Russetfur, Millie, and Sandstorm followed them, yelling at the toms for loving another she-cat.

Stargleam decided to name Lionblaze, who had died a few chapters ago, her deputy and he led the rest of ThunderClan back to their camp. She, Jayfeather, Fireheart walked to the Moonpool together so the she-cat could persuade StarClan to give her nine lives, even though they really shouldn't.

"I can't believe it," Stargleam meowed once they reached the Moonpool.

"I can," her father, who for some odd unexplained reason had come back to life after being murdered by Hollyleaf, said. "You'll be a great leader, Stargleam, and I've known it since the first day I saw you, which is pretty impressive considering I'm blind and shouldn't be able to see anything."

"Really?" she asked, comforted by Jayfeather's words.

"Really," the gray tom meowed.

Stargleam smiled for the first time in a long time, though it should have been the first time because cats can't smile. She was so happy! She'd had such a hard time dealing with toms chasing her that she hadn't been able to be happy. Now maybe everything would be okay!

The Moonpool was a round, shiny pool filled with dark, cold water. Stargleam had never seen anything so beautiful in her life.

"I'm so proud of you," Fireheart meowed.

Stargleam purred happily and bent down to lick the icy water.

It was dark! Stargleam was suddenly in a forest. There were many stars in the sky. _Just like me, _Stargleam thought, looking _through_ the star on her head. Then the stars shone brighter and cats appeared in them. StarClan!

"Are you ready?" shouted a nameless cat in the front.

"Yes!" Stargleam mewed, trembling with excitement.

Bluestar padded up to the protagonist. "With this life I give you leadership," she meowed, touching her nose to Stargleam's. It hurt! The purple she-cat wondered if all the lives would be like this. She didn't think she could deal with the pain eight more times.

Yellowfang was next. "With this life I give you courage," she said. This life hurt like needles, which is totally something cats would know about in the wild, apparently. Clan cats totally do a lot of sewing.

Brambleclaw, who's death had never been mentioned, came next. He put his nose on Stargleam's forehead. It hurt like Tiggerstar's claws! He apparently didn't give her a life, because he said nothing. He totally just wanted to cause Stargleam some pain for not grieving at his death.

Whitestorm stumbled over to her next. "With this life I give you strength. Use it well to protect your Clan."

Leafpool followed Whitestorm. "With this life I give you knowledge." It hurt like fire!

Stargleam also got a life from Brindleface, Tallstar, and Stonefur, three cats she had never met before. Apparently they thought she was just so important and special that they _had_ to be part of her leadership ceremony.

Then...from the clouds...came...a lion!

Stargleam gasped in shock. She hadn't expected a lion to come to her ceremony!

"This is Thunderstar," Tallstar meowed. "He was the first leader of ThunderClan." Apparently Tallstar didn't know his history very well because Thunderstar was indeed a cat, not a lion.

Stargleam couldn't breath! She was so excited and honored! "I can't believe it's really you!"

"It is I," Thunderstar meowed. "I haven't been to a naming ceremony in many seasons- not even to Firestar's- but I came here today because you are the most beautiful, perfect, wonderful cat I have ever seen and I know you will be the best leader of ThunderClan since me."

He then touched his nose to Stargleam's, and the pain was worse than ever before! "With this life I give you heart," he meowed. "You have the strongest heart any cat has ever had, but you need to be even stronger. I thank you for giving the Commandments to the Clans. I do not know what StarClan would do without you. And now for your new name..."

"Wait!" Stargleam cried. "I don't want my name to be Starstar! That would be stupid. I demand to be called Gleamstar!"

Thunderstar narrowed his eyes. If any other cat had demanded a name change, he would have denied it and torn them apart, but because this was Stargleam, the flawless purple she-cat, he would obey her every command. "Very well. I now pronounce you...Gleamstar!"

As the cats of StarClan began to cheer, a wave of darkness crashed over them. The darkness rolled all around them. Gleamstar could smell blood! Tiggerstar and Hollyleaf appeared in the center of the darkness, and they were taking over the Clans and killing many cats. Then suddenly a golden light broke up the darkness. A cat appeared inside the light. It was...Hawkfrost! The former bad-boy, now with a halo over his head, made all of the villains' destruction disappear.

"Mooooooo!" Gleamstar said, apparently having turned into a cow. She couldn't be in love with Hawkfrost! She just couldn't, even though she'd already told him that she loved him a few chapters ago. Now there were four toms she loved with all her heart!


	17. How Exactly is Hawkfrost Alive?

Chapter 17

_ Return_

Gleamstar shook her head, waking up from the dream. Fireheart was staring at her, his green eyes worried.

"Gleamstar, you were talking in your sleep," he meowed. "Are you okay?"

Gleamstar nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I just had a bad dream. That's all."

"If you're sure," Fireheart mewed. He, Jayfeather, and Gleamstar then headed back to the ThunderClan camp.

"Gleamstar, you're back!" her Clanmates cheered when the purple she-cat padded into the camp. Almost everyone looked happy to see her. Redpaw and Lakepool were the only ones who looked sad. They were still upset because Gleamstar had told them they couldn't be in love.

Gleamstar ignored everyone. She had more important things to do than talk to her happy Clanmates. She walked up to her deputy. "Lionblaze," she meowed, "I need you to take a patrol to the ShadowClan border. Blackstar needs to know that I am now ThunderClan's leader."

After she had told Lionblaze this, she turned and began walking to her new den. Everyone tried to clamor around her and ask questions about her ceremony. Feeling slightly annoyed, she didn't answer anyone. "Guys, let me go to bed," she meowed. "Let me have a night to myself."

Her Clanmates walked away, grumbling. "She never lets us have any fun," Berrynose muttered. "She's so bossy."

Gleamstar settled into her den, hoping Fireheart would come in. He followed her, but only to tell her that he was leaving ThunderClan.

"What?!" she gasped. "Where are you going?"

"Well, I can't be leader so I might as well leave. It's not like I'm still a useful warrior anymore. If I can't be leader I don't want to stay here anymore," Fireheart meowed. "I think I'll go be a rogue or join SkyClan maybe."

Gleamstar watched him as he padded away. She was sad to see him go because she was still madly in love with her Great-grandfather, but if this what he really wanted to she wouldn't try to stop him.

"It's okay, Gleamstar," meowed Hawkfrost, who had apparently magically came back to life. "I mean I love you so it's all good, right? If one cat you love leaves, that means I have less competition. Besides, I know you love me the most."

"I do," Gleamstar purred, wrapping her tail around the tabby tom's face. She didn't care if he was a rogue, dead, or formerly evil. She loved him, and now they could be together!


	18. Gleamstar Does What She Wants

Chapter 18

_ The Death_

Gleamstar woke up the next morning, a yowl from the camp having woke her. She ran out of her den, standing on the High Ledge.

"I'm going to kill you!" a voice howled. It was Tiggerstar!

"And I'm going to help him!" Hollyleaf announced, standing beside him

Gleamstar knew she had to alert her Clanmates of their impending doom. "Get out of the cramp everyone!" she cried, and then realized the camp didn't actually have a cramp.

Birchfall ran out of the warriors' den. "No! We love you too much to leave you!" he exclaimed.

Hollyleaf cackled madly and turned herself into a fox, still apparently believing she was one of the three. She jumped down, standing in front of Gleamstar. Lionblaze raced up to his leader and sister to protect Gleamstar. Hollyleaf the fox scratched her brother harshly, apparently really enjoying murdering her brothers, causing blood to seep out his deep wounds. He fell to the ground, knowing this was the end. He apparently had lost his power of invincibility. His sister had caused his death twice now.

"No!" Gleamstar cried. She was so sad. Tears fell down from her sparkling purple cheeks. They shone like the sun on her sparkling cheeks, and they were so sparkly that it had to be mentioned twice. Her rainbow eyes glowed like the sky after a rain.

_She's so beautiful, _thought Hawkfrost, who apparently was so mesmerized by Gleamstar's beauty that he couldn't help her defeat Hollyleaf.

Lionblaze, mortally wounded by his sister for the second time, stared up at his leader. "It's okay," he whispered. "I did it for you. You make me gay with happiness!"

"Lionblaze! Are you a _homosezzual_?" Gleamstar gasped in shock, apparently not knowing that the word 'gay' used to mean 'happy.' Before the deputy could explain what he meant, he died.

"No!" the purple leader cried. "He was my father's brother! I will avenge thou!" She launched herself at Hollyleaf, who laughed and ran away.

"It's too late!" the Hollyleaf-fox said. "Look behind you!"

Gleamstar turned around to see Tiggerstar scratching Dawnsparkle. She ran up to the villain and clawed him. Tiggerstar apparently couldn't handle being scratched by the kit, so he ran off without a fight.

"Get out of here, Hawky! It's too dangerous!" Gleamstar cried, not remembering that Hawkfrost was an older, more experience warrior than she was and would be able to defend himself quite well.

The _now angelic _brown tabby warrior shook his head. "I love you, dear. I can't leave you."

Tiggerstar had had enough of this fight. Sighing sadly, he meowed, "You may have defeated us this time, but next time we will be stronger. Hollyleaf and I will be able to defeat this entire Clan by ourselves someday!" Then he and the fox left.

Gleamstar leaped back onto the High Ledge to have a Clan meeting. "Since Lionblaze died again I need a new deputy. Jazzpaw come here."

The ginger apprentice looked shocked. She was only an apprentice! She hadn't even been named a warrior yet, and certainly had not mentored an apprentice of her own, yet she was supposed to be the new deputy? Jazzpaw wondered quietly what authority Gleamstar had to break the Warrior Code and name her own best friend deputy without a good reason.

"Jazzpaw, I'm going to give you your warrior name now so you can be my new deputy. From now on you will be known as Jazzsong, deputy of ThunderClan," Gleamstar announced, and then she looked out into the crowd. "Does anyone have a problem with that? Does anyone want to protest my blatant disregard for the Warrior Code? No? Good. I'm Gleamstar and I can do whatever I want. Deal with it."

The ThunderClan cats nodded obediently, not daring to protest their leader's decision. They understood she was sad. Lionblaze was her deputy and her uncle, after all.

After the meeting, Gleamstar went back into her den with Hawkfrost, and the two of them curled up and went to sleep.


	19. Even Bumblebees have Good Ideas

Chapter 19

_ The Marriage_

The next morning Gleamstar woke up, Hawkfrost was still sound asleep next to her. She didn't want to wake the brown tabby tom, so she got up and left her den. She decided to send out the dawn patrol, even though that should have been her deputy's job.

"Jazzsong, Redpaw, Lakepool, and LaFlamepelt, go on a patrol to the WindyClan border," Gleamstar meowed, giving her French sister her warrior name. After watching her patrol leave, the purple protagonist went back into her den, a great idea popping into her head.

"Hawkfrost," the she-cat meowed, waking the tom, "let's get married, even though cats don't ever do that. We can be the first cat couple in history to have our own wedding!"

Hawkfrost blinked his blue eyes, still tired. He thought maybe Gleamstar was moving along too quickly in their relationship, but he couldn't tell the oddly-colored she-cat no. "Oh, Sweetie, that's a great idea," he meowed. "Should we tell the Clan?"

"Yes! That's why I was waking you up!" Gleamstar meowed.

The two cats padded out of the den and stood on the High Ledge. "Let all the cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the High Ledge for a Clan meeting," the purple leader called.

Slowly every cat gathered beneath the ledge, waiting for the meeting to start. Millie stood off to the side, looking horribly upset. The queen kept glancing at Jayfeather's den. Briarpaw had just been injured, and her mother was very worried.

"Hawkfrost and I are getting married!" Gleamstar shouted happily.

Everyone started crapping. They had no idea what 'marriage' was, but it sounded like a horrible idea. The Clan cats did, however, know Gleamstar needed a new mate. She just hadn't had enough relationships yet. Fireheart, Graystripe, and Blackstar weren't enough for their wonderful, amazing leader. Maybe Gleamstar needed four relationships. Or five.

"Do you know what we should do now?" Bumblepaw asked.

Gleamstar didn't want to listen to the apprentice because he was dumb. She thought he had the dumbest name in the Clan. This time, however, she decided to humor him. "What, Bumblepaw?" she asked.

"We should announce it at the Gathering!" he cried.

For once, Gleamstar thought the apprentice had had a good idea. The Gathering, which conveniently just happened to be that night even though it couldn't have possibly been a whole moon since the last one, would be the perfect time to announce her engagement to a dead, formerly evil cat.

ThunderClan then left for the Gathering. When they got there, Gleamstar realized something was wrong. Blackstar hadn't led ShadowClan. Assuming he was dead, the leader freaked out because deep down inside her she still loved him. Then she saw who had taken his place. It was Firestar!


	20. Ashfur has Asthma

Chapter 19 (Again)

_The New Love_

Gleamstar gasped. "What are you doing here, Firestar?" she asked.

"I took over ShadowClan," the ginger tom meowed happily. "I went to their territory and they found me there. They told me that Blackstar had died. He had become so depressed after you became leader that he committed swisscide, which I've been told is what happens when a person from Switzerland commits suicide. I didn't even know Blackstar was Swiss."

"Oh my StarClan! But that's a sin!" Gleamstar cried, apparently forgetting that the Eleven Commandments said nothing about Swiss cats killing themselves, so it can't be considered a sin.

"I know, right?" Firestar meowed, agreeing with Gleamstar's flawed logic. "But he was so upset that you wouldn't be his mate."

Gleamstar was sad, but only for a moment. As much as she loved Blackstar, she loved Hawkfrost even more, and they were getting married today!

The purple protagonist ran toward the High Oak and climbed up on a high branch. Cats from the other three Clans watched her in shock, wondering why she was much more radiant than usual today.

_My future mate is so happy today, _Hawkfrost thought as he stared at Gleamstar. _I'm so glad I mysteriously came back to life to be with her._

"Cats of all Clans!" Gleamstar yowled. "I have an announcement."

"What is it, leader?" everyone asked, apparently forgetting about Firestar, Leopardstar, and Onestar- the other Clan leaders. All four Clans now followed Gleamstar and Gleamstar alone.

The purple she-cat raised her head proudly. "Hawkfrost- yes, the dead villain- and I are getting married!"

All four Clans clapped their paws and cheered, even though they had no idea what marriage was. Many of the toms were upset that Gleamstar was finally settling down. They had wanted to be her mate. They decided to be happy for her anyway because they loved her and wanted her to be happy.

"Let the marriage begin," meowed an unnamed cat who was apparently going to officiate the wedding.

Before Hawkfrost and Gleamstar could have their wedding, there was a noise! "I want her to be my mate!" howled a voice from above.

"StarClan?" Gleamstar asked, looking up at thy sky. Did a StarClan cat want to be her mate?

"No!" sounded the voice again. "It's...the Dark Forest!"

Whoever it was from the Dark Forest who wanted Gleamstar for himself was very angry and very powerful. He sent clouds to cover the dark sky. Rain began to pour down and lighting stuck the ThunderClan leader. It hurt Gleamstar! It hurt, apparently so bad the original author had to say it twice!

Gleamstar could feel herself die. Everything went dark and the purple she-cat fell off the High Oak.

When she woke up, she was in the Dark Forest, which wasn't surprising since a Dark Forest cat had caused the storm. Everything in the forest was black.

"Blackstar?" Gleamstar asked hopefully. She wondered if he had been sent to the Dark Forest. She knew he wasn't an evil cat and deserved to go to StarClan, but she didn't know who else that was dead who would have wanted to be her mate, other than Hawkfrost, of course.

Suddenly Gleamstar saw a shape in the distance. "Blackstar?" she meowed again. "It's me, Gleamstar."

But the cat wasn't Blackstar. It was Ashfur, who for some reason was in the Dark Forest even though he had been sent to StarClan when he died.

The gray tom looked at Gleamstar. "Giggle," he giggled, apparently feeling the need to say that he was, indeed, giggling. Then he started hyperventilating, having a Gleamstar-induced asthma attack. "Gleamstar...you're beautiful...like Squirrelflight...I want you...to be...my mate!"

"No!" the purple protagonist cried.

Ashfur looked upset. "What do you mean?" he asked, taking a couple puffs of his inhaler.

Before Gleamstar could answer, another cat appeared. It was Brokenstar!

_**(A/N: Hey, y'all, I know at least a few of you read "The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show." I wanted to apologize for the lack of episodes for today and yesterday. I ran out of my pre-written ones and need to take some time to write some more. New episodes should start up again sometime this week. Sorry!)**_


	21. Hawkfrost has a Sore Head

Chapter 20

_ StarClan_

"Oh no! Brokenstar!" Gleamstar cried angrily. "I can't be talking to Brokenstar!"

The purple she-cat ran away, leaving the apparently asthmatic Ashfur behind her. She ran and ran until she crossed the border into StarClan.

"Welcome to StarClan," Yellowfang meowed. She was standing there with Brambleclaw, Leafpool, Spottedleaf, and Blackstar.

"Blackstar, you're not in the Dark Forest!" Gleamstar meowed happily. She was glad to see he was in StarClan. She did still love him after all.

"Of course not. Why would I be there? I love you too much!" Blackstar said, apparently believing it was his love for the protagonist that kept him from going to the Dark Forest.

Gleamstar narrowed her eyes. "I guess that's true. But I can't be in StarClan! I've already been here once. I can't do it again!"

"Well, you've died again," Bluestar meowed. "But don't worry- we can send you back again, even though the Clans are better off without you. We can't, however, send you back the same way we did last time. We're going to have to reincarnate you this time."

"Oh my StarClan!" Gleamstar gasped. "You mean I get to be reincarnated like Cinderpelt was?"

Cinderpelt walked up to the protagonist. "Yeah, that's what happened to me. I was reincarnated."

Spottedleaf glanced at Gleamstar. "But you're going to have to wait for a bit. We've forgotten how we reincarnated Cinderpelt, so we have to figure out how to do it all over again. Go do something for a while."

"Okay," Gleamstar meowed, turning around to walk away. She looked down on the High Oak, hearing a mournful cry. Hawkfrost was standing over her lifeless body.

"Gleamstar, no!" the tabby tom yowled. He looked up angrily at the sky. "StarClan, how could you do this to me? We were about to be married!"

"I'm sorry, Hawkfrost," Gleamstar murmured sadly. "I'll be back soon, I think."

Hawkfrost looked around wildly, apparently able to hear Gleamstar's voice. "What? Who's there?"

"It's me, Gleamstar," the purple she-cat meowed.

"I can't see you!" the tom cried, desperately searching the island for his mate. He bumped his head into a tree and fell down. Apparently in his mournful state Hawkfrost didn't realize that hitting his head against a tree so hard it would knock him unconscious wasn't going to bring Gleamstar back.

"Bye, Hawkfrost," Gleamstar whispered, turning away from him. She didn't want to be there when he woke up.

"Hi there, Gleamstar," a new voice meowed. A cat the protagonist didn't know appeared before her. "I'm Fallen Leaves," the cat meowed, apparently forgetting he didn't believe in StarClan and shouldn't be there. Perhaps Hollyleaf had taught the tom about StarClan and he was working alongside the she-cat now and had come to rid the Clans of Gleamstar once and for all.


	22. Turtles run Portals called Purtles

Chapter 21

_ The Purtle (A Portal ran by a Turtle)_

"Fallen Leaves, what are you doing here?" Gleamstar gasped, asking the question every reader was thinking. He was an ancient cat and didn't believe in StarClan!

"I'm here to deliver a prophecy," the tom meowed, apparently being deemed an important enough character to give the protagonist a new prophecy.

"I already know the prophecy," Gleamstar meowed, rolling her eyes. "_Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly._"

"That's not the one I mean," Fallen Leaves explained. "I mean...there are dark threats in the forest."

"What?" the purple she-cat gasped.

"There are still cats who don't believe in StarClan," the tom answered. "Hollyleaf converted me, so now you have to go and convert everyone else who refuses to believe in the power of StarClan."

"What?" Gleamstar shouted, shocked that anyone would _not_ believe in the starry cats. "After everything I've done for them? How could they!"

"The Dark Forest has taken over their minds," Fallen Leaves meowed. "They're using Cloudtail and Mothwing to help them. StarClan will not tolerate this lack of belief any longer. You must start a war on the Dark Forest! We've been waiting for you for so long. You are our only hope, Gleamstar. Only you can save us."

Gleamstar didn't even have time to thick-think- that is, actually think at all- about her answer before she heard someone call her name.

"Gleamstar," called Spottedleaf, "it's time to be reincarnated."

"Yay!" exclaimed the purple protagonist. She looked at the portal. It was being run by a turtle, who called the device a _purtle _so that the name of this chapter would make sense to the readers. The purtle had swirling bright lights.

Blackstar padded up to Gleamstar. "Go in through there," he mewed, motioning toward the lights with his tail. The tom looked sad because he would be losing his one true love once again. Gleamstar snuggled him gently until he felt better. Apparently she had forgotten the last time he had done the same thing to her she had accused him of trying to molest her. Blackstar isn't allowed to snuggle with Gleamstar, but she's allowed to snuggle with him. The narrator calls this a double standard.

Gleamstar wondered what exactly would happen when she went through the purtle, so she asked Bluestar.

"Um...we don't really know for sure," the former ThunderClan leader meowed hesitantly. "It worked once before, so we're sure it will work again. I'm sure the chances of this failing and you being injured are very, very small. Probably."

Gleamstar shrugged. Bluestar's answer was good enough for her. She stepped toward the purtle when suddenly...Ashfur appeared out of nowhere!

"No!" the gray tom screeched. "I want Gleamstar for myself!"

Gleamstar's eyes widened. She didn't want to be with Ashfur! She hurried to the entrance of the purtle and prepared to jump in. Before she could, Ashfur ran up and pushed her. As she fell trough the purtle, Gleamstar looked up, only to see that Ashfur had came through with her!

_**(A/N: Sometimes I really wish I could hit xdarkrosesx on the head with a cinder block, and then cradle her and tell her everything will be alright. I'm sure the force of the cinder block would knock some sense into her.)**_


	23. Let's Just Assume Who's Evil

_Next Chapter (Which apparently doesn't have a number)_

Starkit woke up and she was in a forest. "Mew," she said, being too young to say anything else.

"Hello, kitty," her mother meowed, looking down at the purple kit.

Starkit looked up at her mother and recognized the black she-cat, even though she shouldn't have had any memory of her previous life at all. Her mother was Hollyleaf!

"T!" Starkit cried, having learned a new letter of the alphabet. She looked around to see where she was.

"We are in the ThunderClan camp," Hollyleaf meowed. As a tom stuck his head into the nursery, the queen meowed, "Oh look! Here comes your father now!"

A large brown tabby tom padded into the den. Starkit, who for some unexplained reason _did_ have the memories of her previous life, recognized the tom at once. It was Tigerstar- the cat she had killed many chapters ago!

"Here's your daddy, Tiggerstar!" Hollyleaf said as another tom padded into the den. Apparently Tigerstar had come back to life and had brought Hollyleaf and Tigger together as a couple, even though she should have been with Fallen Leaves.

_I know that name, _Starkit thought, apparently learning the cats' language with remarkable speed. She tried to think of where she had known Tiggerstar from, but Hollyleaf interrupted her thoughts.

"There are other kits outside," her mother mewed. "Go and play with them while I talk to Tigerstar and Tiggerstar in peace."

Starkit, who for some reason had the ability to think, speak, and walk as a newborn kit, went out into the camp. She saw her Clanmates gathered around the body of a half-grown purple she-cat. They were mourning the death of their former leader, Gleamstar. Starkit looked around to see other cats. She saw Redpaw and Lakepool sitting off to the side, their tails entwined.

Starkit marched up to them. "I thought Gleamstar told you two to stop being plebeian," she hissed, apparently knowing who Gleamstar was despite no one having hold her. She also apparently thought she knew what a 'plebeian' was, even though it means 'commoner', not 'lesbian.'

"How would you know what Gleamstar said?" Lakepool meowed. "You weren't alive then."

"You're right," Starkit meowed, confused. "How do I know?"

Redpaw stared at the young she-cat. "You're Hollyleaf's kit, right? Stormfur and Brook had a kit- Ashkit, I think."

Jayfeather padded up to the three cats. Starkit thought the blind tom looked familiar, but she couldn't remember why! "Why don't you go play with Ashkit?" the tom suggested.

"Okay, I will," Starkit mewed, being a very obedient kit. She walked back to the nursery to see Ashkit, but she didn't have a chance to talk to him because there was a yowl from above the camp! The purple protagonist looked up and saw two groups of cats standing on the High Ledge. On one side stood Yellowfang, Brambleclaw, Leafpool, Whitestorm, and Bluestar. One the other side were Hollyleaf, Tigerstar, and Tiggerstar!

"It's a war between StarClan and the Dark Forest!" Lionblaze cried, having mysteriously came back to life _again_.

At that moment, Starkit realized her parents were evil! Not that she had any idea what StarClan or the Dark Forest were and what cats came from where. She was just assuming it was her parents who were the evil ones.


	24. The Narrator Loses It

Chapter 23

_ The (Lack of Intelligence)_

The StarClan warriors started attacking the camp! And Firestar was leading the attack even though he hadn't been standing with them and wasn't even part of ThunderClan anymore!

The camp was suddenly filled with yowls. Starkit didn't know what to make of this. It was all so confusing! A warrior ran up to her and she clawed him, trying to protect herself. Apparently the newborn kit had been born with superb fighting abilities, because blood poured out of the shoulder wound she'd given the cat and he ran away, screaming in pain.

_I can fight!_ Starkit thought. She jumped at another cat, causing him to fall backwards and die. She was good at this! But how did she know how to fight? It was a mystery! The narrator stopped watching the fight to bang her ginger head against a tree, not being able to handle the utter ridiculousness of this story.

A large warrior came up to Starkit. He was very big and the tiny kit was afraid. She didn't know if she could fight a cat like him, and she shouldn't be able to fight him. She is, after all, a FLIPPIN' NEWBORN KIT. The warrior clawed her and blood came out of her ear. _Ouch! _she thought. She was mad now. Anger burned in her chest. Starkit clawed the warrior as hard as she could and heard him yowl in pain. She then bit his throat and blood poured out. The tom choked and then he died. Starkit is a newborn kit, and she's already killed TWO FLIPPIN' GROWN WARRIORS. A FLIPPIN' NEWBORN KIT KILLED TWO FLIPPIN' FULL GROWN CATS ALL BY HER FLIPPIN' SELF.

*Pretty music plays*

We're sorry to interrupt the story, but the narrator is experiencing..._technical _difficulties. While we wait for the narrator to calm down, please enjoy these important messages:

Do you like prune juice? Do you like feeling young? Then drink _Ashfoot's Prune Juice_! Drink _Ashfoot's Prune Juice _and you'll feel like a young warrior again in no time! Warning: drinking eighty-six glasses of prune juice a day may cause prune-sickness, watery eyes, inability to control temper, and psychotic meltdowns. Contact your local medicine cat before consuming prune juice. Ashfoot cannot be held legally responsible for any prune juice-related issues.

Are you angry at your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend? Do wish for them to suffer for the pain they caused you? Contact _Tigerstar's Mate Removal. Tigerstar's Mate Removal_ will take care of all your mate-removing needs. Tigerstar will personally make sure your ex ends up in the Dark Forest, right where she deserves. That's right, Ashfur. It's time for you to call _Tigerstar's Mate Removal_! Call today!

We'll now be returning to the scheduled program. Thank you for enjoying these important messages.

*Pretty music ends*

Starkit looked up just in time to see more StarClan cats coming into the camp, and they were bringing WindClan cats with them! Bluestar, Whitestorm, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, and Blackstar had brought Crowfeather and Eaglewing for help!

Starkit watched helplessly as the StarClan cats drove the Dark Forests villains from ThunderClan's camp. But there was a noise behind her. It was Tigerstar- a cat who had been killed in a previous chapter!

"No!" he howled. "I can't let you win!"

The tabby villain attacked Bluestar, but she gave him deep scratches and he died. Again.

"No!" cried Hollyleaf, seeing her friend dead. Her green eyes were filled with pain. Tigerstar had helped the black she-cat and Tiggerstar plan the attack on ThunderClan! Without him there was nothing left to fight for. She and Tiggerstar fled, knowing they'd been beaten.

"Oh no! Starkit's hurt!" someone who isn't important enough to name said. "She needs to be treated!"

Starkit wasn't as hurt as some of her Clanmates, but she was the most important, beautiful, sweet, amazing, talented, and perfect cat in the Clan. She deserved to be treated first, ahead of all the seriously injured cats. She was special. Who cares if anyone else in the Clan died? ThunderClan needed Starkit to live!

After Jayfeather had treated her, someone else not important enough to name meowed, "Starkit's parents are gone. Who will raise her now?"

"We'll do it," said a cat.

Starkit turned toward the voice. It was Lakepool! Lakepool and Redpaw were going to raise her! Redpaw hadn't even been made a warrior yet, and she was going to be a mother!

The purple protagonist lifted her head to the sky and let out a terrible wail. "Noooooo!"

_**(A/N: I am sorry for the...break in character. The narrator apologizes. The narrator has a headache. The narrator is now going to bang her head on her desk and wonder why she decided fixing this story was a good idea.)**_


	25. No Royal Parents

_Chapter 22 (Even Though it's Technically Chapter 24)_

Starkit didn't know why she was so upset, but she knew it was _not _a good thing to be a plebeian, or lesbian, for that matter.

"What's wrong, Starkit?" Redpaw asked, licking Lakepool on the lips. "You're just a kit. Why do you not like us?"

"Because being a plebeian and lesbian is wrong," the purple protagonist yowled. "It's against the Eleven Commandments!"

"How would you know about the Eleven Commandments?" Lakepool asked. "You hadn't been born yet.

"Yeah," added Redpaw. "And the Commandments said nothing about being a plebeian."

Starkit shrugged. "Well, I know about it some how. And I think that both are sinful!"

Lakepool rolled her eyes, not wanting to argue with the kit. "Well, I don't think the Commandments are real, so Redpaw and I think it's okay to be both lesbians _and_ plebeians."

"Now come to the nursery," Redpaw meowed. "You are too young to be outside for too long."

"No!" yowled Starkit. She just absolutely refused to be raised by plebeians. She didn't want to be raised by commoners! She was Starkit- she deserved to be raised by royalty!

The purple kit ran out into the forest to get away from her adopted parents. Ashkit followed her.

"What's wrong, Starkit?" he asked. "Why are you so upset?"

"I'm being raised by _plebeians_!" she cried. "What do you think is wrong? Why can't I be raised by a leader? I'm Starkit, the most perfect, incredible, amazing, wonderful, gorgeous cat to have ever been born. I deserve better than Redpaw and Lakepool!"

Ashkit gave his friend a sympathetic look. "Well, we can't change them from being plebeians, but maybe we can make them see the light and become straight cats."

Starkit sighed, padding over to Ashkit. She still wasn't happy about being raised by two she-cats who were not of high rank, but maybe Ashkit could take her mind off of her problems. As the two kits sat down to talk, suddenly Jazzsong appeared.

"Jazzsong, what are you doing here?" Starkit squeaked.

"It's 'Jazzstar' now. Didn't you know I became leader after Gleamstar died?" the ginger she-cat meowed. "It was a sad death. She died on her wedding day, and none of us even know what a wedding is."

"Who's Gleamstar?" Starkit asked. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't remember where she had heard it before.

"It doesn't matter," Jazzstar meowed sadly. "Come on. Let's go back to camp."

Starkit and Ashkit followed Jazzstar back to the camp. Once they got there, the leader turned to the purple she-cat. "Now go see Lakepool and Redfur, whom I've just given a warrior name. I'm sure they're waiting for you."

"Fine, fine!" Starkit grumbled, "but I don't have to like it!"

_SIX MOONS LATER_

"Starkit, until you earn your warrior name you shall be known as Starpaw," Jazzstar meowed.

Starpaw stood proudly before her leader, ready to hear who her mentor would be. Redfur and Lakepool sat off to the side, looking relieved that the kit was finally leaving the nursery. She had been nothing but trouble, constantly grumbling about how she wished she could have been raised by a leader or deputy instead of regular plebeians.

Jazzstar looked around the camp to see if the cat she wanted to be the protagonist's mentor was present. "Your mentor will be..." she began.

"No!" Starpaw screeched, apparently having developed psychic abilities and knew who would be her mentor even before her leader announced it. "No! Not him! Anyone but him!"


	26. You Can't Love Anyone but Starpaw

Chapter 25

_ The Ask Question (Aren't All Questions Asked?)_

"No! Not Hawkfrost!" Starpaw cried. Jazzstar still hadn't named the tom her mentor, but she knew that's who it would be. She didn't know why, but for some reason this cat could not be her mentor!

Since the apprentice could apparently read minds, Jazzstar decided not to finish the ceremony. Starpaw already knew who her mentor would be, so what would be the point of announcing it?

"Hi, Starpaw," Hawkfrost meowed, padding up to her. He wrapped his tail around the purple she-cat's shoulders. "Shall we begin training tomorrow?"

"Okay," Starpaw sighed, still unhappy that the formerly dead, formerly evil tom was to be her mentor.

The apprentice padded over to Ashkit, who apparently hadn't been made an apprentice even though he was her age. "Hi," she mewed.

"Hi," Ashkit said back to her. "Do you want to go hunting in the forest with me? Just the two of us?" he asked, apparently forgetting that he was a kit and not allowed to leave camp.

Starpaw nodded, apparently also forgetting she was not allowed to leave camp either unless Hawkfrost was with her. The two kits then padded out of the ThunderClan camp, and absolutely no one tried to stop them for disobeying the rules. As they walked, Starpaw realized Ashkit was giving her funny looks. She wondered why.

Ashkit, who still had asthma, glanced at the purple protagonist. "Starpaw...I wanted to know...if you...would be my mate," he huffed, apparently thinking it was just fine for a kit to have a mate.

"Oh my StarClan! Yes!" Starpaw cried, having fallen in love for the fifth time this story. She was so happy the kit wanted to be her mate. Before she could tell him just how happy she was, Hawkfrost stormed up to them. He apparently _had _noticed the two young cats sneak out of the camp.

"What are you insolent fools doing?" Starpaw's mentor spat.

"She's my mate now," Ashkit meowed proudly.

Fury flooded into Hawkfrost's blue eyes. "No way!" he snarled. "I want her to be my mate!" Maybe Hawkfrost had realized the apprentice was actually Gleamstar reincarnated and wanted to be with his one true love again.

The two toms then began to fight! Starpaw watched in horror as Hawkfrost easily killed the tiny kit, being a much more experienced warrior. Ashkit had not had any training at all, and did not stand a chance fighting against the tabby warrior. Sadly, the narrator then realized that she was reporting what _should _have been happening, but not what was _actually _happening.

Suddenly the brutal fight, in which Ashkit was able to hold his own against the much larger, trained warrior, stopped. The kit and Hawkfrost suddenly began kissing! They had stopped trying to kill each other over a purple she-cat to kiss each other instead!

"No! Stop!" Starpaw cried. They were being gay! And they had stopped fighting over her! How could anyone stop fighting over _her_? Every tom was supposed to love Starpaw. They weren't supposed to love anyone else but the gorgeous, wonderful, talented, perfect purple protagonist.

Starpaw couldn't handle watching the two toms kiss each other when they were supposed to be kissing her, so she ran away into the forest!


	27. Why Did We Skip Chapter 26?

Chapter 27: There is no Chapter 26

_A New Clan?_

Starpaw ran back to camp as fast as she could. Redfur was sitting at the entrance, waiting for her adopted daughter.

"Oh my StarClan, no!" Starpaw cried, running past her. "I can't talk to you right now! I can't be seen with a plebeian!"

"And why not?" Redfur growled, following the apprentice. "I've been raising you for moons now."

"I know," Starpaw meowed. "But I just saw Hawkfrost and Ashkit...and they were kissing!" She was so upset! The thought of Hawkfrost kissing another tom was just too much for her to handle.

Lakepool padded over to the two she-cats. "Well, that's perfectly fine, isn't it?" she asked. "I mean, Redfur and I are gay and there is nothing wrong with that."

"Yes there is!" Starpaw exclaimed, running away from her mothers. She was too upset to even explain that she was more upset that the toms liked each other instead of liking her, like they were supposed to. Toms were supposed to love Starpaw! She just couldn't tolerate toms that like anyone other than her.

As the apprentice ran away from Redfur and Lakepool, she ran into Hawkfrost and Ashkit again. "You. Can't. Be. Gay!" she hissed at the two toms.

The toms, not caring about the she-cat any longer, started making out in front of her. Apparently public displays of affection were tolerated in ThunderClan's camp. It was too much for Starpaw. She decided she was going to have to take matters into her own paws and deal with this herself.

"Why don't you just leave?" she asked them. "You are no longer accepted in this Clan of mine." Apparently she believed ThunderClan was under her control, not Jazzstar's, and she had the authority to banish cats.

"It's not your Clan!" Hawkfrost pointed out. "It's everybody's Clan!"

"Yeah? Well you're gay!" Starpaw retaliated, apparently believing this was a good insult.

"Fine," Hawkfrost spat at her, wondering what he ever saw in the purple she-cat to begin with. He turned to Ashkit. "Let's go be rogues. If Starpaw is going to act all high and mighty, we don't have to take it. She's not the boss of us!"

"Get out of my Clan!" Starpaw yowled, wishing the toms would just leave already. ThunderClan was her's and her's alone. She had the ultimate authority-even over Jazzstar. She was ThunderClan's true leader. She was Starpaw, and no one could stop her.


	28. Two Chapter 27s, but no 26

Chapter 27: There are two Chapter 27s

_The Memories_

Starpaw wandered through the forest madly. She was angry. LaFlamepelt followed the apprentice worriedly. Starpaw sighed, wondering if talking to the she-cat would help her feel better.

"LaFlamepelt, help me," she meowed. "You're a good straight cat. How are you dealing with this? I'm being raised by cats who are not only plebeians, but also lesbians. And the toms I love are now gay. I can't handle it!"

The warrior shrugged. "I don't know. It's not that big of a deal to me. You're the only one that has a problem with cats not following the Eleven Commandments. Just follow your heart, I guess." She looked over at her mate, a cat named Nightrain. "Does it really matter, Starpaw? I mean I'm bi, so obviously I'm not following the Commandments either."

Starpaw and Nightrain were both shocked by LaFlamepelt's revelation. "No!" they both cried. "You can't be bi!" Poor Nightrain looked absolutely horrified. Apparently his mate hadn't told him this important bit of information.

"Who cares if I am?" LaFlamepelt hissed.

"I do," Nightstorm, a random cat who had just replaced Nightrain, meowed. "I think it's bad."

LaFlamepelt was done talking about the matter, not wanting to deal with Starpaw and Nightstorm's anger, and changed the subject. "By the way, did you hear there's now a SatinClan? There was a HellClan, but the author forgot about it, so now she's invented SatinClan. That's where bad cats who don't want to listen to StarClan or follow the Eleven Commandments can live. I'm going to go join it because I'm evil now."

"Question mark?" Starpaw said beautifully, apparently thinking that saying the name of a punctuation mark was necessary at that point.

"I don't know!" Rainsplash, a random cat who had just replaced Nightstorm, who had just replaced Nightrain, cried. He then ran off, being very confused and wondering if he was really a different cat than the other toms or if he just didn't know his own name.

Starpaw was so sad that tears started to fall down her face, even though cats can't cry real tears. _Is everyone in my family gay now_? she wondered, apparently remembering that Lakepool and LaFlamepelt were her sisters. She had so many memories of her old life that it was almost like she hadn't been reincarnated at all. At least Cinderheart couldn't remember being Cinderpelt when she was awake- only in her dreams. But this was Starpaw, and she was special and did everything her own way. She didn't conform to the ways of society, or even the ways things actually happened in the books. She didn't care about canon. She was Starpaw and she did whatever she wanted however she wanted to do it.

Starpaw continued walking through the forest. She walked to the clearing where she had once spent time with Hawkfrost, back when they both loved each other. _This is where we met, _she thought sadly, even though they had actually met in the Fark Forest, not ThunderClan's territory.

Then she looked at a nearby tree. It was the same tree Hawkfrost had hit his head against when he was looking for her. Apparently Starpaw had made her way to the island where Gatherings were held, considering that was where they had been when she had died and Hawkfrost had hit his head. Suddenly all of her memories came flooding back! She remembered everything, not that she had been acting like she hadn't remembered her previous life. In fact, the narrator's wondering what the heck there was to remember at this point. Starpaw seemed to remember everything, and the reader is supposed to believe that looking at a random tree would cause her to remember what little she didn't?

"11111111111!" Starpaw cried, suddenly feeling the need to shout the number '1' many times.


	29. Starpaw Changes the Warrior Code

_**(A/N: Since I don't post her author's notes, I figured I better explain this one. This is the chapter where the author announces that she is, in fact, a lesbian, so now Starpaw becomes one as well. So that's why she has the sudden change in personality. She's no longer a "homophone.")**_

Chapter 28

_ The Shrakking (The Narrator Has no Idea What that is Supposed to Mean)_

Now that she remembered who she was, Starpaw ran back to camp with a new goal. Her self-discovery had not only caused her to remember things about her past life, but things even Gleamstar hadn't known about herself. She was a changed cat, and it was time to tell ThunderClan who she really was.

The purple protagonist ran past Redfur and Lakepool on her way into camp. "Where are you going?" she asked her adopted mothers.

"We're going to SatinClan," Redfur meowed.

"But why?" Starpaw asked. "I've decided being gay isn't a sin anymore. I know technically that's supposed to be StarClan's decision, but I'm so powerful that I can change the law myself without their consent. I've decided you can now love whomever you want."

"But you're the one who said being gay _was _a sin," Lakepool reminded her. "What made you change your mind? And what makes you think you can change rules without StarClan's consent?"

"I've found out about SLASH, which totally exists in the Warriors world because we can read, apparently," Starpaw meowed. "After reading some SLASH, I decided that I'm a lesbian and am in love with Jazzstar. Since I can do whatever I want without question, I decided to change the Warrior Code. The world revolves around me and conforms to _my_ beliefs, you know."

"Oh my StarClan! Really?" Redfur asked, not quite believing the purple she-cat. This sudden change in belief was so...unexpected. "But we're still going to to SatinClan because we're also atheists."

"No!" Starpaw argued. "You can't go there! SatanClan is not the place for you. I was just going to tell Hawkfrost, Ashkit, and LaFlamepelt they can come back to ThunderClan now."

"We'll tell them," Redfur promised, turning to walk away with Lakepool.

Starpaw then hurried back to camp. When she got there, she leaped onto the High Ledge. "Attention all cats of ThunderClan," she yowled, apparently forgetting that only Jazzstar had the authority to call Clan meetings. "I have an announcement!"

The Clan cats, not questioning the apprentice's authority, gathered immediately. "What is it?" Brackenfur asked.

"I have a confession," Starpaw meowed. "I...am...Starstar!"

Apparently, even though she remembered that she had been reincarnated and had been Clan leader before that, Starpaw couldn't remember what her name had been. The narrator is pretty sure that the protagonist had claimed the name "Starstar" was stupid and demanded to be called "Gleamstar."


	30. The Author Can't Count

Chapter 30 (There is no Chapter 29)

_The Reveal_

"Are you really?" Brackenfur asked skeptically. He didn't believe the purple she-cat was actually Gleamstar. From the uncomfortable muttering of the other Clan cats, it was obvious they didn't believe it was her, either.

"Why won't anyone believe me?" Starpaw cried, running out of the camp. Why couldn't her Clanmates see she was really their leader? They looked just the same and acted just the same. Both Gleamstar and Starpaw were incredibly annoying, bossy, and hard to get along with. The narrator wondered why ThunderClan didn't believe the protagonist. It seemed pretty obvious to her.

How could Brackenfur not believe her? She had done such amazing things as a kit, like killing two full grown, fully trained warriors with one move. She was incredible.

The she-cat made her way to SatinClan, which had made its territory in a clearing outside the ThunderClan border. Starpaw walked into the camp and looked around. Leading the newest Clan were the biggest atheist cats of all- Cloudtail and Mothwing!

Lakepool and Redfur met Starpaw by the entrance, only to tell her that Nightrain- or whatever his name was- and LaFlamepelt didn't want to return to ThunderClan. They were still going to be atheists.

Absolutely nothing was going Starpaw's way that day. Sadly, she turned around to go back home, but then she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Cats were creeping toward her! First no one had believed she was Gleamstar, then her sister didn't want to go back home, and now SatinClan was going to punish her for being on their territory! This was turning out to be a horrible day for the purple protagonist.

"What are you doing?" Starpaw asked, apparently not realizing that SatinClan did not want the apprentice on their territory. Cats that followed the Warrior Code were not welcome in their camp, and they were going to make sure she knew it.

Satinclaw, who was now wearing purple nail polish, padded up to her. "We can't let you leave, Starpaw," he meowed. "You know too much."

Hollyleaf suddenly jumped out of the bushes and turned into a bobcat! The bobcat ran up and hit Starpaw with great force. Satinclaw joined in the fight and started scratching the purple trespasser.

When one of the villains scratched Starpaw's stomach, intense pain shot through her body- more pain that just a claw scratch would cause. Starpaw realized what the pain was immediately. It was a kit! She could feel her kit's pain!

Starpaw was pregnant! The narrator wondered when the apprentice had time to get pregnant. The only tom that had showed interest in her after the reincarnation was Ashkit, but he was just a kit and she was barely an apprentice. Surely they were just friends, right? Maybe that nursery was really boring with just the two of them...


	31. The Author Slept During Health Class

Chapter 31

_ Kits_

Starpaw ran back to ThunderClan's camp as fast as she could, freeing herself from the battle in SatanClan. She raced into the medicine cat's den and skidded to a stop.

"Jayfeather!" she yowled. "I think I'm pregnant!"

"What makes you say that?" the blind tabby tom meowed, thinking the apprentice should have been too young to be pregnant, considering she had been a kit only a couple days ago.

I felt my kits!" Starpaw cried.

"Okay, lie down," Jayfeather mewed, hoping the purple she-cat was only imagining her pregnancy. He poked her stomach with his paw gently.

"Ow!" she cried as the medicine cat's paw connected with a kit.

"Those are definitely kits," Jayfeather sighed. "They'll probably be born in a couple days. You're almost two moons pregnant- how on earth did you not notice until now?"

"A couple days?" gasped Starpaw. That means she must have gotten pregnant as a kit. The narrator heaved a huge sigh, wondering why the author had made such a young cat get pregnant.

"If I may ask," the medicine cat went on, "who is the father? It's Ashkit, right? He's the only tom who-"

"Um..." Starpaw meowed, cutting him off. She shifted her paws, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "How do I say this...it's Jazzstar."

"What?" the ginger leader exclaimed, entering Jayfeather's den. "How does that even work? I'm a she-cat! Last time I checked, she-cats cannot be _fathers_."

"I know," Starpaw muttered, "but I love you, and love makes kits, I think. I don't know! I fell asleep when the elders were teaching us that unit of health class..."

The narrator suddenly felt very sorry for Jazzstar. She knew the leader couldn't be the father of Starpaw's kits. Unfortunately, the true father didn't come forward and admit to getting a kit pregnant, so Jazzstar was going to have to take matters into her own paws and act as the father for the kits' sake.


	32. Silverstream's Not So Comforting Words

Chapter 32 (but labelled #23)

_The Visit_

Starpaw ran away from the medicine cat's den, terribly upset that Jazzstar couldn't accept that she was going to be a father. _Why is my life so bad? _she thought. _Everyone hates me! _All of her family was either dead or angry at her for some reason, and now her one true love was furious with her as well. How could even Jazzstar be mad at the apprentice? They were best friends! It wasn't Starpaw's fault a female had gotten her pregnant, even though that's technically anatomically impossible.

Starpaw felt her kits move inside her. She already loved them so much! But it was hard to love them because she also loved Jazzstar. The purple protagonist's life was absolutely terrible right now. Even the narrator is feeling an usual wave of sympathy for the poor cat. How could the author do this to her?

Suddenly a StarClan cat appeared before her. It was Silverstream! The silver tabby had come to cheer Starpaw up. "Don't worry, Starpaw," she meowed. "It will all be okay in the end. You'll see."

"I'm going to have kits, Silverstream!" Starpaw cried unhappily.

"I know," the silver tabby said. "But I've been in your place and so I know what it feels like. Just ignore the fact that I also died giving birth to my kits. I'm sure that won't happen to you. Probably."

Starpaw sniffled sadly, not really comforted by Silverstream's words for some strange reason. It wasn't like the StarClan warrior had said anything that could possible make the apprentice's situation worse, right? Starpaw knew she had to get better, though. She had to get better for her kits.


	33. Someone Had Really Odd Cravings

Chapter 33 (but labelled #24)

_The Battle_

Starpaw was so upset, angry, and confused. She looked up at the sky, so unhappy with her life. "StarClan, why?" she yowled. "Why did you send the worst cat possible to tell me that everything would be alright? It wasn't alright for her! Silverstream died, remember? You only made me feel worse!"

"StarClan can't help you now," an evil voice said. "There's nothing they can do for you!"

"Who said that?" Starpaw asked in fear.

"It is I- Hollyleaf!" the voice said. Then Hollyleaf burst out of the undergrowth, and she had all of ShadowClan and the Dark Forest with her!

"Oh no!" Starpaw screamed. "StarClan help me!"

And then warriors from StarClan came down from the sky! They joined Starpaw and told her that they would fight with her because she had saved them once. The narrator thought as hard as she could, but she couldn't remember when Starpaw had saved StarClan. Maybe StarClan was imagining things.

"Cool," Starpaw said, and then they began fighting Hollyleaf's army.

Starpaw had managed to pin Hollyleaf down, but before she could deal the killing blow, she felt a _movie _inside her! Apparently she had eaten a DVD earlier as part of her pregnancy cravings. Maybe it had been a copy of the _Meowing King 2: Firestar's Pride_- the narrator's favorite movie.

"My kits are coming!" Starpaw cried, the kits choosing a really inopportune time to be born.


	34. Bubbles Aren't Good at Fighting

Chapter 34 (but labelled #32)

_The Birth_

Hollyleaf charged toward Starpaw, but a StarClan cat no one had ever heard of named Bubblefur jumped in front of the black she-cat, screaming, "No!"

The villain crashed into the Bubblefur, killing him. He was no knight in shining armor for the poor Starpaw. Bubblefur wasn't much of a help at all. It was probably his name that caused him to be a bad fighter.

Starpaw would have been really upset that Hollyleaf had just killed a StarClan cat, but her kits were coming. She almost screamed out in pain, but since she was a strong, brave cat, she didn't. It hurt a lot, though. There were a lot of piano keys in her stomach because she'd been craving them, and now the purple she-cat regretted eating the ivory keys due to the intense pain they caused her.

Suddenly blood was everywhere! A break had opened up in her stomach, revealing all of her vital organs. Hollyleaf noticed how vulnerable Starpaw was at that moment, so she finished destroying Bubblefur's body and stalked toward the little she-cat.

"No!" Starpaw wailed, but just as Hollyleaf was about to kill the apprentice, Bluestar appeared out of nowhere! Starpaw could only watch as Bluestar knocked Hollyleaf over and put her claws in the black she-cat's throat. The villain soon went unconscious, but before she did she managed to scratch Bluestar. Blood poured out of the former ThunderClan leader's chest.

"I love you, Jazzstar," Bluestar meowed as she died, revealing a dark secret she had kept from the current leader and Oakheart until that moment. "I always have."

"No!" Starpaw cried, though the narrator isn't sure whether she cried out because of the pain she was in, because Bluestar had just died, or because Bluestar had just proclaimed her love to the cat Starpaw was in love with.

The purple protagonist was so sad! And she was in so much pain! The break that opened up in her stomach should have been a fatal wound, and blood was pouring out of it, but Starpaw looked at Bluestar's body and it filled her with hope. She knew she would survive this injury. As it turned out, the break in her stomach had only opened up to allow the kits to be born. Starpaw pushed as hard as she could, and the kits tumbled out. The narrator is guessing that Hollyleaf had been trying to to perform a C-section on the apprentice, and that was why her stomach was open.


	35. Brambleclaw is Unreasonably Reasonable

Chapter 35 (but labelled #333)

_New Lives_

There were three kits there. One of them was really fluffy and golden-colored, one was bright orange, and one was a tiger. Yes, Starpaw gave birth to actual tiger. The narrator is absolutely amazed that a little cat could have a tiger cub as a child. Even though she was in intense pain, Starpaw smiled at her kits.

"What are you going to call them? It's not my choice. You're the one who actually gave birth to them!" Jazzstar meowed, trying to remind the protagonist that she couldn't possibly be the kits' father and really didn't want to take on that role.

"Hm..." Starpaw murmured, thinking for a moment. "I think I'll the golden one DaFluffykit, the orange one will be Firekit, and the tiger will be Tigerkit, obviously."

"Gasp!" the entire Clan gasped.

Brambleclaw, who had somehow magically come back to life, stalked up the purple apprentice. "How can you name one _Tigerkit_?!" he yowled. "Don't you know everything my father did? He tried to kill me and actually killed several other cats!"

"I know, but have you forgotten that he's also my dad?" Starpaw asked, apparently forgetting that her father was Tiggerstar, not Tigerstar. "Besides, I like the name."

The dark tabby tom sighed unhappily. "Okay. Fine. Do whatever you want," he mewed, turning to walk away. Starpaw wished Brambleclaw hadn't been so sensitive. The narrator, however, thinks Brambleclaw's reaction was completely reasonable. Tigerstar was an absolutely horrible cat who attempted to murder Bluestar and Firestar, had crippled Cinderpelt, actually murdered Brindleface, Runningwind, Redtail, and Gorsepaw, had been responsible for the deaths of Stonefur, every cat lost in the battle with BloodClan, and Swiftpaw, _and _had been responsible for cats' deaths even after he was dead. He had even tried to brainwash poor Brambleclaw into turning evil. The villain's son had every right to be upset over the name of Starpaw's son.

"I like the names," Jazzstar meowed, licking Starpaw on her head. "They are beautiful kits."

"I know," Starpaw giggled. "And will will love them forever and ever."

The narrator will now attempt to read Jazzstar's mind:

_Yeah right, _thought Jazzstar. _I'll pretend I love them just until Hawkfrost or Ashkit admit that they are the kits' true father._


	36. So Tigerstar's Alive Again, Apparently

Chapter 36 (but labelled #34)

_Tigerstar's Attack_

But the battle wasn't over yet! All of a sudden, Tigerstar, who had died twice before and had mysteriously come back to life _again_, came running toward her!

"No!" he yowled. "I can tell that Tigerkit will be good! I don't want a good cat named after me!" Apparently Tigerstar had forgotten that his own grandson, Tigerheart, was a good cat. As the twice-dead cat yowled in fury, he jumped at Starpaw.

"No!" screamed Whitestorm, who jumped in front of the apprentice to protect her. "You can't hurt her! Can't you see she has kits?"

"LOL," Tigerstar laughed, apparently having learned text-talk despite the fact that wild cats don't use cell phones. "I don't care! I'm evil!" He then attacked DaFluffykit!

"No!" Starpaw cried. She tried to get DaFluffykit away from the dark tabby tom, but he was too quick! Tigerstar scratched the newborn kit's nose. But DaFluffykit, who had been alive not five minutes, was a good fighter. He jumped at Tigerstar, and so did Firekit and Tigerkit! Three minute-old kits who didn't even have their eyes open yet were attacking one of the Clans' most deadly villains of all time. They shouldn't have stood a chance.

"Look at that! It's amazing!" someone not important enough to name said. "They're all fighting together! Three newborn kits are fighting like trained warriors! What are the odds of that?"

Tigerstar, who apparently was not as strong as he once was, could not beat the three kits. Perhaps he had had a change of heart and decided that killing newborn kits was just too evil, even for him.

"You may have defeated me this time, Starpaw!" he screeched, apparently forgetting that he had been battling with Starpaw's sons, not her. "But you'll never do it again!" He then ran away to the Dark Forest. Hollyleaf followed him. They were probably going to report back to Tiggerstar about how embarrassing their failure to kill newborn kits was.

Starpaw pushed her nose into Jazzstar. They'd won! But then...out of the darkness...came...Ashkit!


	37. ThunderClan is Completely Useless

_**(A/N: Okay, I'm going to be bad and advertise here. I've recently started a new story over on Fictionpress called **__**Broken**__**, and it would mean a lot to me if you'd take a look at it. There is a link to the story on my profile here. It would take maybe three seconds of your time to get to. Thank you! Now on with the (horrible) story...)**_

Chapter 37 (but labelled #34)

_Back to the Clan_

"Ashkit, what are you doing here?" Starpaw asked. She didn't see any reason for him to be there right then, and she couldn't help but feel scared, even though Ashkit had not done anything wrong up to this point. The narrator thought that he and Starpaw were good friends.

"I'm taking a kit," Ashkit shrugged, He grabbed Tigerkit and began to walk away. "You rejected me, so now I'm going to get my revenge on you by raising your kit to be evil!" Apparently Ashkit had forgotten that Starpaw _had not_ rejected him. He had fallen in love with Hawkfrost. He had rejected _her._

"Gasp! No!" the Clan said. They couldn't believe Ashkit would do such a thing!

"Not if I can help it!" DaFluffykit roared, flying toward Ashkit with outstretched claws. "You're not taking my brother alive!"

All the cats in the Clan, including Starpaw and Jazzstar, watched in amazement as the little fluffy kit began to attack Ashkit. Apparently ThunderClan did nothing to help the newborn kit. They just let him fight the now evil Ashkit all by himself. Somehow, DaFluffykit managed to scratch Ashkit hard enough to make him bleed, but the gray tom was still able to drag Tigerkit away. DaFluffykit fell down and began to cry.

"It's okay," Starpaw and Jazzstar said, trying to comfort the kit, whom they did nothing to help. "I'm sure he'll get back to us eventually. I mean, he is your brother, so if he's anything like you he'll be a good fighter."

But DaFluffykit wailed loudly, which was perfectly reasonable since he had tried to save Tigerkit all by himself because ThunderClan was too useless to stop Ashkit and rescue Starpaw's son. Starpaw and Jazzstar didn't even seem that concerned that one of their sons was gone. If it had been any other queen who had lost a kit, she'd have stopped at nothing to save him. Not Starpaw, apparently. DaFluffykit wailed so loudly it sounded like a trumpet, and wild cats _totally _know what that is. He cried so loudly a bunch of cats came to see what was wrong. Among them was...Firestar!

_**(A/N: Really? Is ThunderClan totally useless? Let's bring back the ThunderClan that was around when Frostfur's kits went missing. They weren't this careless/oblivious/useless back then!)**_


	38. The Narrator Gives Up

Chapter 38 (but labelled #40)

_Tigerkit_

"Firestar, what are you doing here?" asked Starpaw. "I thought you were the leader of ShadowClan now."

"Yes I was, but I realized I still love you, Starpaw," her Great-grandfather meowed, apparently believing that loving the purple cat was a legitimate reason to abandon his new Clan. "I heard you were fighting Tigerstar, so I came to help."

"Well, you're too late," Starpaw meowed. "Tiggerstar took Tigerstar- or maybe it was Ashkit who took Tigerkit. I can't remember! It was an entire five minutes ago!"

"I can help!" Firestar meowed.

"Really?" asked the purple protagonist.

"Really," the ginger tom replied. "I know where his hideout is."

"Oh my StarClan, really?" Starpaw asked again.

Firestar nodded. "Yes. When I went away I became the leader of ShadowClan, and since every ShadowClan cat is evil, I _had_ to be evil for a while and joined Tigerstar, so I know where he lives."

"Let's go then!" Starpaw yowled, beginning to run toward Tigerstar's hideout. They ran for a long time, but Starpaw was so full of adrenaline that she didn't care. Maybe she had finally realized that mothers were _supposed _to be like this when their son is catnapped. By the time they reached the place, every cat who had come with them was tired.

Tigerstar's hideout was a hole near the lake. Starpaw turned to face her warriors, believing an apprentice had authority over them. "Attack!" she cried, and every cat immediately obeyed her and ran into the hole.

"No!" cried Tigerstar when he saw them. The tom was really bloody because Tigerkit had been fighting him. He was too tired to fight back as Starpaw wrapped her claws around his neck, causing his eyes to throb.

_She is so beautiful in battle, _he thought. _Look at how her purple fur shines in the moonlight! _She was the bravest cat he had ever seen.

Apparently Tigerstar had fallen in love with...wait, him too? Not him! NOT TIGERSTAR! HE CANNOT FALL FOR STARPAW. THE NARRATOR FORBIDS IT. HE'S THE FLIPPIN' VILLAIN AND HE'S BEEN DEAD A FLIPPIN' TWO TIMES AND HE'S FLIPPIN' EVIL!

That's it. The narrator is done. She gives up. She's so done with this story. No more of this nonsense.

*pretty music plays*

We're sorry to interrupt your scheduled programming, but the narrator is having some..._attitude _issues. Please enjoy these important messages:

Is your half-brother evil? Is he trying to take over the world? Does he want to kill you or make you evil? Then try _Half-Brother Removal Cream! Half-Brother Removal Cream_ works wonders on getting rid of those pesky half-brothers. Just apply to the affected sibling and watch him go straight to the Dark Forest! Just listen to our reviews: Firestar says "This really worked on my half-brother, Scourge. I'd recommend this product to everyone with a half-brother!" Brambleclaw says: "This stuff really works! All my half-brother problems are gone for good!" Yes, _Half-Brother Removal Cream_ can work for you, too! Try a sample today!

Has your fur lost its shine? Is not luxurious enough for an evil tom like you? Then try _Catene Cat Shampoo! Catene Cat Shampoo _will make your fur soft, sleek, and shiny! All the she-cats will be falling for you in no time. Just listen to what Hawkfrost says: "I love this shampoo so much! I can't keep the ladies away from me!" _Catene Cat Shampoo- _for the handsome tom.

We will now return to the scheduled program. The narrator has agreed to finish the story, though she may have been threatened by a certain evil tom. Thank you for enjoying these important messages!

*pretty music ends*

Gleamstar clawed Tigerstar viciously. Blood went everywhere! It flew through the air like a dove! Tigerstar ran away in pain! The narrator still cannot see why one of the most evil cats who ever lived cannot beat an untrained apprentice. Sometimes she thinks Tigerstar is even more out of character than Blackstar.

"You beat me, but it's too late!" the dark tabby tom laughed as he ran away.

_What does he mean by that?_ Starpaw wondered. She looked at Tigerkit. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay, but I'm evil now!" the hour-old kit announced.

Starpaw's eyes widened in horror. "No!"


	39. DaFluffykit is Hobophobic

Chapter 39 (but labelled #42)

_Starpaw's New Thought_

"What will you do now?" Tigerkit asked Starpaw. "One of your beloved kits is now allied with the evil cats!"

"You can't do that!" DaFluffykit yelled. "Don't you know how much our mom put into having us? She had to eat a movie _and_ piano keys! She was nearly killed by Hollyleaf! Are you really so ungrateful?"

"Do you think I care? Tigerstar is better than all of you dumb ones," Tigerkit replied. "That's why I'm going to go live with him and I'll marry his daughter Rainstar!" The narrator wondered when Tigerstar had time to trick another she-cat into having kits with him since he's been dead for most of the story, and how one was old enough to become a leader. Seriously, he's only been alive for what, three chapters?

Starpaw gasped. "You're ripping me apart, Tigerkit!" But she couldn't do anything because then Tigerkit ran off after Tigerstar.

Jazzstar came up and brushed against the purple protagonist. "What are you going to do, love?" she asked quietly.

"I'm going after them," she growled. "Tigerkit is my son and I love him. I have to go with him. I'm sorry."

Jazzstar was sad but she knew it was for the best. "Go then, Starpaw." she said "I'll wait for you forever."

Starpaw nodded and ran off after them. When she got there she found Tigerkit making out with a brown cat, because cats totally know how to kiss like twolegs do, and she guessed it was Rainstar. "What are you dong making out with this cat?" she yelled angrily.

"Mother, what are you dong here!" Tigerkit shouted. "Why did you follow me?"

"Because I wouldn't let my kit go off alone when I wasn't with him," his mother replied, attempting to be a good parent.

"Aw," said Rainstar sarcastically. "That's sweet, but you're not one of us, so we have to kill you. Unleash the mongoose!" Apparently the Clans had moved to India so they would have these mongooses...or is it mongeese?

Then suddenly a mongoose appeared! It was really Hollyleaf. The narrator was absolutely shocked. She totally didn't see that coming.

Starpaw dodged to one side. "No wait!" she yelled. "I want to talk about this! I want to be one of you guys with Tigerkit!"

"Nice try, Starpaw, but we can see right through your lies," Rainstar said. "Now kill the infidel!"

Then the mongoose attacked! But before it could scratch the protagonist, Jazzstar, DaFluffykit, and everyone else came to the rescue! The narrator wondered curiously if the author remembered Starpaw had three sons. Where is Firekit in all of this? Only DaFluffykit and Tigerkit ever seem to be mentioned.

They all roared at the mongoose- Hollyleaf! It ran away, and Starpaw was happy.

But Rainstar hissed, "We can't trust you if your friends keep coming to save you!" she said. "Now leave before we call in Featherpaw, a completely new character that no one knows anything about."

"Featherpaw?" gasped DaFluffyKit. "He is my boyfriend! I've totally lived along enough to have one. Two-hour old kits can have boyfriends, right?" The narrator wondered when DaFluffykit had time to meet this Featherpaw, considering he hasn't been mentioned before.

"Your boyfriend?" Rainstar snorted. "But I'm straight. That doesn't really have anything to do with _your_ love life, but I just thought I should point that out."

"So?" said DaFluffykit. "Don't be such a hobophobe!" Apparently DaFluffykit is against cats who are afraid of hobos, which seems to be a bit unreasonable considering he hasn't ever met one.

"I'm not, but I'm straight," said Rainstar, who is not hobophobic or homophobic.

"But that's not the point," came a voice. It was Tigertsar! Apparently Tigerstar went and became a Russian Tsar. "Starpaw, what are you doing here?" he asked. "Do you want to die?"

"No" said the purple she-cat. "I want to join your group because I'm evil!"

"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~" said Jazzstar. The narrator has no idea how to translate this into Standard American English. Or any other language, for that matter.

Where on earth is Tiggerstar in all of this?


	40. There's Another New Forest

_**(A/N: Sorry it's been a while since the last update. Been busy with school work. Ugh...)**_

Chapter 40 (but labelled #43)

_The Plan for the Battle_

"What? No, Starpaw!" said Jazzstar, her blue eyes wide with sadness. "You can't do this! You're my mate!"

"I have to," Starpaw meowed. "It's my destiny. I know that now." Apparently she decided her destiny is to become evil. The narrator thought it was to defeat the evil tiger and holly, but now Starpaw's the evil one. Unless she's acting. She's not acting, right? She's totally turned evil...hopefully.

"This is awesome, Mom!" said Tigerkit "Now we're on the same side!"

"I don't know," Rainstar said. "Are we sure she's not a spy? I mean, up until this point Starpaw's been a good cat and has fought against Tiggerstar, Tigerstar, and Hollyleaf. Isn't this sudden change of heart at least a little bit suspicious?"

"Don't worry," Lakepool said. She had joined SatinClan, too. "It's all for the best." Apparently Rainstar is the only one with a brain in this story.

"No!" DaFluffykit yowled. He was really upset because he loved his mom, but now she was evil! He ran away into the forest. Obviously he was going to get Firekit to help him defeat their now evil mother. It's about time Firekit played a role in this story.

Starpaw almost yowled, "No, wait Fluffystar!" Apparently Starpaw had used her unquestionable authority to name a two-hour old kit leader. Then she remembered she was evil now so she just looked away. Inside she felt sad. Was she really supposed to fulfill the prophecy when she was fighting for the Sark Forest? Maybe she'd been the wrong cat all along. Maybe Bluestar and the nameless cats at the meeting of nameless cats had misread the unspecified shape in their pool. Maybe Starpaw wasn't special at all.

She walked away into the forest with Tigerkit, Rainstar, and Lakepool. How could StarClan have betrayed her? It made her so furious! By the time they got to Tigerstar she was ready to fight against them! The narrator wondered where Tiggerstar had gone off to. He seems to have disappeared. Maybe he's with Firekit.

"Okay, Dark Forest cats," Tigergleam, a totally new character, announced while standing on a stump. Starpaw looked around and saw there were a lot of cats that had gathered around the stump. "Tomorrow we're going to attack... ThunderClan!"

All of the cats howled in approval. Starpaw did too, but inside she was crying. _Oh no!_ she thought. _What will I do? I've got friends in ThunderClan!_ But she had to do it for Tigerkit. He looked so happy here. Happier than he'd ever been in the forest in the entire two hours he'd been alive!

"And... Starpaw will show us the way!" said Tigerstar. "She'll be the first one there, so she can show how loyal she is to the Ark Forest." Apparently there is a new forest. Now along with the Dark, Sark, and Fark Forests is the Ark Forest.

_No!_ thought Starpaw, but she said "Okay, Tigerstar, I will."

The battle for the forest had began!


	41. Starpaw is Invincible

Chapter 41 (but labelled #44)

_A Surprise_

Starpaw ran through the forest so fast that her paws skimmed the ground as if she was flying. All of the cats of Tigerstar's gang ran behind her.

"Faster, Starpaw!" Tigerstar hissed. "We need to get there before the sun goes down."

"Why?" asked Starpaw. She was confused as to why would they would need to go so fast! It's not like they were going to do anything important- just take over ThunderClan.

"Because we'll have to spend the night if we don't," explained Tigerstar, "and we wouldn't want that to happen. Who would want to have a sleepover with a bunch of smelly kittypets?"

Starpaw nodded, believing that Tigerstar's response was completely reasonable. She ran faster, and then they arrived at the ThunderClan camp!

"No!" yowled Jazzstar, who was guarding the entrance. "Quickly everyone, get out here and help me fight against my now- evil best friend and her army!"

All of ThunderClan came out for the battle. There was Jazzstar and Redfur and Lionblaze, who had come back to life for a third time, and Jayfeather and Dawnsparkle and Graystripe and everyone else not important enough to name! It was all so exciting that Starpaw forgot to think with commas! But SatinClan was bigger. They had Tigerstar and Rainstar and Featherpaw and Lakepool and Tigerkit and the most important of all- Starpaw! The narrator wondered briefly why Redfur and Lakepool were fighting on opposing sides. That must put a damper on their relationship.

And so they attacked the camp! It was a really long battle, but it didn't require any details because Tigerstar's army had the amazing, brilliant, all-powerful Starpaw! She wasn't getting hurt because she was Starpaw the Invincible. Apparently, Lionblaze had lost his power of invincibility, but Starpaw had found it and kept it for herself. But suddenly...

The Tribe of Rushing Water! They did something! Too bad they didn't say what they were doing.

"Oh! She Who Runs With Leaves!" Rainstar and Lakepool gasped. They both recognized the she-cat at the head of the group because she was one of their friends, even though said she-cat lived high up in the mountains, making it impossible for her to visit the Clans frequently and make friends. "Help us fight!" they begged her.

And so the entire Tribe joined the battle!


	42. Evil Tigerkit is Not the Evil Tiger

Chapter 42 (but labelled #45)

_The Death and Betrayal_

Starpaw fought beside She Who Runs With Leaves, and their army greatly outnumbered the ThunderClan cats. The purple protagonist clawed a cat and blood soared through the air.

She said, "Take that, ThunderClan traitors!" Inside, however, she was thinking _I can't do this. _Starpaw the Invincible does not have faith in herself.

And then... Firestar was being attacked by Tigerstar!

_No! Not Firestar!_ thought Starpaw. She apparently still had feelings for her Great-grandfather. She wanted to help her former leader and love interest, but Tigerkit was on her side and she had to fight for him.

But then someone was saving Firestar! It was... DaFluffykit! The narrator is shocked. She had thought Firekit was going to make his grand entrance and save Firestar's life. Nope. It's just DaFluffykit, Starpaw's favorite son.

"I'll help you!" he said, standing in front of Tiggerstar's claws. Apparently Tiggerstar had returned from his leave of absence.

"No, DaFluffykit, don't! You're too young!" said Firestar, but it was too late. DaFluffykit took the blow for him and he was blood! Yes, DaFluffykit had turned into blood.

"No!" said Starpaw. She couldn't take it anymore! She jumped at Tigerstar, or maybe it was Tiggerstar, and knocked him off of her kit. She started to lick the bloody DaFluffykit, but Tigerkit attacked him. Now the battle was brother against brother, three-hour-old kit against three-hour-old kit.

Then Tigerkit turned to face Starpaw. He said, "Mom, you're evil. Remember?"

Tears were running down her cheeks. "No, Tigerkit, I'm not!" she cried. "You see, there is this prophecy StarClan gave me. It said that _out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly_. I always thought the tiger was Tiggerstar but now I know... it was you! It really was a tiger, not a Tigger, all along! It's a self- fulfilling prophecy!"

"What?" Tigerkit asked in shock. "No, that can't be right! I know I'm supposed to be evil and so are you!" He claims he isn't the cat in the prophecy, but _is _willing to admit that he's evil. He looks pretty guilty to the narrator.

But Starpaw wasn't listening. She was looking at DaFluffykit, who was still bleeding.

"Please don't die, DaFluffykit," she sobbed. Her tears were like rainbows, because tears are _always_ red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

DaFluffykit's fluffy golden fur sparkled in the sunlight when he said "I have to, Starpaw. It's my destiny." He closed his eyes and stopped breathing.

"No!" Starpaw wailed. She was heartbroken! She'd never been so sad before in her life!

But then... someone said "HAHAHAHA!" Starpaw heard the laugh and she looked around. It was... Hollyleaf! She'd killed Tigerstar! He had died _again_!

"You gave me a distraction," Hollyleaf said evilly. "Now I can rule the forest for myself! Tigerkit will help me!"

Tigerkit went to stand beside her, pretty much doing everything in accordance to the prophecy.

Starpaw was about to say no, but then she got angry. "No," she said. "You 're _not_ going to rule the forest." And then... her super awesome, yet utterly revolting, orange eyes started to glow!

Starpaw's prophecy was about to come true!


	43. ThunderClan is Emotionless

Chapter 43 (but labelled #46)

_The Final Chapter_

"This is what you get for messing with me!" Starpaw growled, her orange eyes glowing so bright that they could be seen from the moon, which is unbelievably bright. They must be blinding everyone within a one hundred-mile radius. "I'm sick of all you infidels!"

She crouched down and bared her fangs. Apparently Starpaw has gone completely insane and doesn't know which side she's supposed to be fighting against. She's turned on both ThunderClan and her army of villains.

"Oh no!" Jazzstar squealed. "She's about to attack! Everyone get out of the way!"

All of the good cats ran away and hid under a tree as the ground started to shake. Then suddenly, the entire forest was enveloped in a brilliant orange glow and the screams of many evil cats could be heard. StarClan must have sent an earthquake to kill every good and evil cat. Everyone in this story, alive or dead, is suffering from insanity!

"Accept Jesus, mother-fudgers!" Starpaw screeched, apparently having converted to Christianity even though cats have no idea what that is. She truly is an insane psychopath, and a delusional one at that.

When the glow went away there were no more evil cats. Tigerkit and Hollyleaf and Tigerstar were all gone, now that they had disappeared. The other cats in SatinClan, like Rainheart, another new random character, and Lakepool, had no leader to follow now that their leaders were dead so they were good again. Apparently simply not having an evil leader makes a character not evil. You must have an evil leader to be evil.

"The prophecy of Starpaw has come true," Jazzstar said as she came out from under the tree. "Starpaw, you are our savior."

"Not for long," said the purple protagonist, and she fell on the ground, breathing hard. "That really hurt. It took a lot of energy. I don't think I can fight anymore." She closed her eyes as Jazzstar watched in horror.

"No," Jazzstar whispered in denial, racing up to the dying she-cat. "No, no no no! Please, Starpaw! Please be okay!"

There came no response. Everyone stood and gasped at the scene before them. "Starpaw! Wake up! Please!"

Tears began to well up behind Jazzstar's eyes like a dam ready to brake." "S-starpaw...no..."

She buried her nose into Starpaw's warm fur. "We've gone to far! We've been through too much together for it all to end here now! Starpaw… I love you!"

Lakepool and Redfur exchanged a plebeian glance, and then began to quietly pad toward their dying savior.

"Don't touch her!" Jazzstar spat, tears flowing like waterfalls down her cheeks. Then more quietly, she whispered, "Don't..."

Starpaw's singed whiskers twitched ever so slightly. "Jazzstar..." she breathed, "come closer..."

Jazzstar knelt closer to her, her whiskers barely brushing Starpaw's cheeks.

"I...I wish I could stay...and I would if I could...but..." She paused, violently coughing some of the smoke out of her lungs as her body shuddered. "I ...Jazzstar...I can see them!"

"Who?" Jazzstar wailed, tears rolling down her face. "Who can you see?"

Starpaw closed her eyes and smiled weakly. "All of them...even DaFluffykit, Jazzstar! StarClan is beckoning me..."

"No, Starpaw, no! Please! Say it isn't so!" Poor Jazzstar. The narrator almost feels sorry for her. It must be hard watching her best friend die when there's nothing she can do to save her.

Before the she-cat could respond, she was beaten by another storm of violent coughing. Starpaw uttered a inaudible mew, shaking uncontrollably, and finally collapsed to the ground, even though she was already on the ground. Her clenched paws slowly unfolded like the leg of a dead spider, a most marvelous comparison. Starpaw's once bright eyes no longer held their shine as they stared off into the distance. A moment passed, and her eyes slowly closed.

The Clan stood in silence, quietly mourning their tragic loss. Jazzstar wailed and buried her face into Starpaw's fur. She sobbed uncontrollably, her tail flicking back and forth in a violent motion. "Starpaw! Starpaw! Please! Come back! No! Starpaw...Starpaw..."

The motionless cat, who apparently wasn't dead yet, inhaled. Her voice was barely audible. "It is so...I'm sorry...I love you too, Jazzstar. Never forget that."

"Starpaw..."

"I may be gone...but I still live on..." The narrator dearly hopes she won't.

"How, Starpaw?" Jazzstar sniffled. "Where?"

"In...your heart..." Starpaw sighed.

"My...heart?"

"In the hearts of you, and everyone in the Clan...Your loving memories will keep me alive in your souls and I will also live on..." Starpaw took one last dying breath, raking her whole body with the effort. "...in Jesus Christ!" Dang it, Starpaw! You almost had a sweet, heart-string- tugging death, and then you ruin it by bringing Jesus into it? You don't know who he is! Leave him out of this story!

*The narrator apologizes for her break in character...again*

The cat once again grew still, and a grim silence swept over.

"...Starpaw..." someone said. So much for the silence.

Firestar was the first to speak. "Everyone! Look at Starpaw! She's...glowing!"

And indeed she was. Jazzstar gasped, leaping back from the luminescent corpse. Starpaw's body rose into the air, small lights appearing around her like lightning bugs. They swirled around her, pulling her farther into the sky. Lights began to shine through Starpaw's fur. The Clan watched in awe as their savior slowly began to disappear into millions upon millions of lights. They swirled in the air above, slowly ascending into StarClan. The last few bits of sparkle twinkled out of sight...and Starpaw was no more.

"Well, " muttered Redfur. "I guess that's that then." For a cat who just saw the savior of ThunderClan die and then rise up into the stars, Redfur sure doesn't seem too shook up.

"Must be," said her lesbian partner, Lakepool. So Starpaw's own sister isn't going to show any emotion, either? Nice. Apparently Jazzstar is the only character who actually cares about the dead purple protagonist anymore. "But what were those lights?"

Jazzstar stood up and meowed, "The souls of all StarClan and ThunderClan..."

"And Jesus," Redfur said thoughtfully, apparently having converted to Christianity as well.

"Yeah," Jazzstar said, smiling warmly, "and Jesus." So every cat in ThunderClan believes in Jesus now. There must be a cat version of Christianity that the narrator doesn't know about.

_**(A/N: I'll either put the epilogue and Christmas special up later today or do them both tomorrow. I'm almost done with this! Yay me!)**_


	44. Epilogue (Firekit's Revenge)

Epilogue

Redfur and Lakepool walked out of the nursery, their kits following. The narrator briefly wondered who the father of the kits was, but then she remembered the whole 'StarxJazz' dilemma and decided not to over-think the lack of intelligence here. Sure, females can get females pregnant. Let's just go with that.

"Hello," said Hawkfrost from the High Ledge. He was the deputy now that Stargleam was dead and Jazzstar was the leader. She's been the leader for a while now, but apparently only just decided she needed a deputy. Hawkfrost and Jazzstar were mates now and she was pregnant. LaFlamepelt was standing in as leader while she was gone in the nursery, even though that should have been Hawkfrost's role as deputy.

"Hi, Hawkfrost," said Lakepool and Redfur happily. They were friends now. Apparently the three of them weren't friends before. Starpaw's death must have brought them together.

Redfur looked around her. The cats were rebuilding ThunderClan piece by piece. She could see Jayfeather dragging in some sticks. _He looks happy,_ she thought. He hadn't looked this happy since Stargleam was alive. He had grieved his daughter's death a long time. Redfur was glad to see that he was looking more cheerful. She also saw Firestar and Graystripe building up the apprentices' den, and Sandstorm was helping them. Nightrain- or whatever his name is- was helping with the medicine den.

Redfur and Lakepool smiled at each other happily. Life would never be the same without Stargleam- it would be better!

"Hey, Mama," said one of their kits. It was Bluekit, named in honor of Bluestar. "Who's Stargleam?"

"_What_?" Lakepool gasped. "Don't you know anything at all?"

"Don't be so hard on her, Lakepool," said Redfur. "She's just a kit."

"Well, alright," said Lakepool, "listen close and I'll tell you."

All the kits came closer, especially Starkit. Redfur wondered if the little kit could know about who she really was. The narrator sighed heavily. Starkit has been reincarnated _again_? Why can't she just die and stay dead?

''You see, once there was this cat who was born with a prophecy about her..."

Redfur listened as her mate told the kits all about their aunt. As she was listening, she looked up at the sky, where the sun smiled down at her. Then she realized...it was smiling!

Stargleam was looking down at them all from above. So either she was reincarnated or she's living in the sun, like the baby in Teletubbies. Lovely.

"Lakepool, look!" she gasped. Lakepool did look, and so did the kits. Then Stargleam smiled even wider and winked a shining eye. Then she was gone.

"Look at that," said Lakepool, smiling. The kits asked what was going on, but she just said, "She really is watching after all."

Redfur and Lakepool's eyes met and their tails entwined, and then they kissed. All the cats had learned how to kiss like humans. It was a part of the elders' health class, apparently.

All was well in ThunderClan.

…

Sol looked on from above the camp. He was beaming gayfully. Everything had gone like he'd wanted it to. He had brainwashed Hollyleaf to make her evil, he'd catnapped Tigger and turned him into Tiggerstar, and he had catnapped Firekit. That's what really had happened to the little kit only mentioned once in the entire story. Starpaw had just been so busy with DaFluffykit and Tigerkit to notice her other son had vanished.

He looked up at the sky where he knew Stargleam was watching with the rest of StarClan. His work was done. Everything was going to be-

What? Going to be _what_? That isn't an ending. Oh, the narrator knows how the story really ends:

Firekit sat above the ThunderClan camp, laughing evilly. He and Sol would destroy ThunderClan. No one had noticed Sol catnap him, and his mother hadn't even cared that he was gone, so the little ginger kit had turned evil. Firekit would now make sure ThunderClan suffers for being so incredibly useless. Every cat who had been out of character would die. Every cat who had been in love with Stargleam would die. Every cat related to the purple she-cat would die. Firekit would have his revenge.

The End.

_**(A/N: The Christmas Special will be up later.)**_


	45. Starkit Ruins Christmas

_**(A/N: Robingwing16- I'm sure Firekit would exempt himself. He would just want every other cat related to her dead.**_

_**Yay! I'm finally at the end of this thing! I think I've lost some brain cells along the way, but I'm sure I'll be fine. Probably. Anyway, here's the Christmas Special.)**_

The Christmas Special

_'Stargleam, the Purple Cat' _(Make sure you sing it!)

Stargleam, the purple cat,  
was a very purple cat. _(You don't say! I thought she was pink with blue polka dots!)_  
And if you ever saw her,  
you would even say she's fat. _(Oh, yes I would!)_

All of the other cats  
used to laugh and call her names. _(I bet they did.)_  
They never let poor Stargleam  
join in any kitty games. _(Because Stargleam the perfect cat would always win. It wouldn't be fair to the other cats if she joined in.)_

Then one foggy Gathering,  
Bluestar came to say,  
"Stargleam, with your fur so bright,  
won't you lead the Gathering tonight?" _(No! She's not a leader! Let Firestar, Onestar, Blackstar, or Mistystar lead the Gathering!)_

Then all the kitties loved her,  
and they shouted out with glee,  
"Stargleam, the purple cat,  
you'll go down in history!" _(As the worst leader ThunderClan's ever had.)_

Okay, now here's the special:

Spottedleaf came down from the sky to appear to Jayfeather in a dream. She said to him, "Dawnsparkle will have a kit, a purple kit, and her name must be Stargleam."

Jayfeather asked how this was supposed to happen, since he hadn't had any 'relations' with Dawnsparkle. They hadn't even had their wedding yet.

Yellowfang, who had come down from the sky with Spottedleaf, replied, "Trust in StarClan and they won't lead you wrong. You will have a purple kit."

So then Dawnsparkle and Jayfeather went around for a while and got married. Then the kittens started to come! They went to a nursery, but Ferncloud wouldn't let them stay. She and Daisy had too many kits in the nursery already, so there was no room for any more. So they went to a barn instead and Ravenpaw and Barley gathered around to see the birth.

Then Starkit was born! There were two other kits born in the litter too, but Jayfeather and Dawnsparkle didn't care about them. They really did have a purple kit, just like Spottedleaf had said. Little Lakekit and LaFlamekit didn't matter at all.

Then a really bright star shone above them. Lionheart, Bluestar, and Yellowfang came down from StarClan to see Starkit.

"What are you doing here?" asked Dawnsparkle.

The StarClan cats said "We're here to see baby Jesuskit."

"There is no Jesuskit here," Jayfeather replied. "Only a Starkit."

Yellowfang's eyes widened. "Oh, we're here to see the newborn _cat_, not the newborn _human_. I forgot. Jesuskit was born two thousand years ago."

"Okay, come and see Starkit then," said Dawnsparkle.

They all came over to her. They also gave her gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

"This is our savior," said Bluestar, "We know it. We see it in the stars. Starkit will defeat SatinClan, destroy ThunderClan, and have six toms fall in love with her. She will be the biggest Mary-Sue in Clan history, and will be very similar to the human savior- Jesus. Now let's all sing her a song!"

Then she, Lionheart, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, Jayfeather, Dawnsparkle, Ravenpaw, and Barely began singing.

"Hark the herald angels sing  
'Glory to the newborn King!'  
Peace on earth and mercy mild  
God and sinners reconciled.  
Joyful, all ye nations rise  
Join the triumph of the skies  
With the angelic host proclaim:  
'Christ is born in Bethlehem'  
Hark! The herald angels sing  
'Glory to the newborn King!'"

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

_**(A/N: I'd say 'Merry Christmas' too, but it's February 20th. Hm...are there any holidays today? *Tansy does a quick search* Merry World Day of Social Justice! **_

_**Anyway, thank you for reading all of this! My reposty-rewrite seemed to be quite popular. Over 100 reviews! You all are great. :) )**_


End file.
